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She warned him not to “fart,” because the lucky girl sitting directly behind him would fall victim to the illegal drug trade by instantly becoming high.
After a brief search through a sea of white audience members, Lampanelli found someone else to make fun of: a black girl named Victoria who said she wanted to be a doctor. Lampanelli said she had a vision of Victoria in the future, sitting in a hospital room with an old white man on his deathbed.
“Do it, Victoria,” she said as she made a motion of pulling a life-support plug. “This is for slavery, Whitey! You’re dead!”
Lampanelli said she prides herself on her ability to pick on everyone she likes, which proves she isn’t racist, she said.
“The fact is, if I say the ‘n’ word or the ‘cunt’ word or the ‘spic or the chink or whatever, and there is good intention in my heart, people can sense it,” she said to The News.
Jumping up and down and squealing in an excited voice, Lampanelli told what she called her “first black joke of the night,” even though her previous insults could easily be counted as many more.
“OK, OK, OK. So, what do you call a black woman who’s had seven abortions?” she asked, letting the silence settle as the crowd waited for an answer. “A crime fighter.”
During a trip into the audience, she picked out a skinny white girl sitting in the front row and told her to “Eat something and swallow it!” She then pointed to another audience member who had been picked out as the night’s gay man and said, “Jeff does.”
Celebrities were also targeted by Lampanelli’s rough insults.
“I have to tell you – I’m sweating more than Michael Jackson in a Chuck E. Cheese,” she said, fanning herself with her hand.
Toward the end of the night, she discussed the many celebrity roasts she’s participated in.
While talking about Flavor Flav’s roast, she told the audience, “I’ve fucked more black guys than FEMA and I wouldn’t touch that!”
She added that Gene Simmons originally moved to the United States from Israel because he heard someone dropped a penny.
Even after complaining about having to perform at Northeastern for $5 and calling the student body “entitled little bitches,” Lampanelli complimented the audience by saying she’d like to come back.
“Northeastern University is the first on my list of unoffendable fucking colleges,” she said.
Evgeni Yuz, a freshman pharmacy major who said he had seen Lampanelli’s comedy on TV before, said he would definitely see her again.
“She doesn’t just make fun of one group. She makes fun of everyone so you can’t take offense to it,” he said.