Column: Donde esta Senator Kaine?

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Column: Donde esta Senator Kaine?

Daniel Carr, guest columnist

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We lost many things in 2016. Celebrities from Muhammad Ali to Zsa Zsa Gabor passed away. “American Idol” ended. We learned who the most punchable Brits were when they decided to jeopardize the European Union via Brexit. The United States lost its sanity when it decided that Donald J. Trump should be the president. (For any College Republicans angry at the previous statement, I will be behind O’Sullivan’s at quarter past dawn with a pair of brass knuckles, willing to defend both my statement and my honor. There will be no rules.)

Yet we don’t talk about what is, in my opinion, the biggest loss of 2016. No, for me the biggest loss is the fade to obscurity of one Timothy Scott Kaine.

Many aspects of 2016 live on, in one way or another. We still listen to the music of David Bowie and learn from Muhammad Ali’s words on war to race. “American Idol,” like the recurring dream I have with the red sandal and the chainsaw, will never truly die. Many people still go to sleep at night with their Bernie Sanders body pillows, muttering to themselves that he would have won as they drift into unconsciousness. (Bernie supporters, you can also meet me at O’Sullivan’s. Same time. Same place. I reiterate that nothing is off of the table.)

On the other hand, Tim Kaine, although he is allegedly still alive, has fallen off of the face of the Earth.

Less than two years ago, this man was chosen by the plurality of American voters — well, American voters who bothered to show up, but that is a topic for another column by a far better writer — to be the second most powerful person in America, and a death away from being the most powerful. Though he didn’t get that job, he remains one of the most powerful people in America. But before I mentioned his name, you forgot who he was, didn’t you?

I bet you didn’t even realize that his middle name is actually Michael. Yeah, you just read “Timothy Scott Kaine,” and decided that it sounded like a generic enough middle name for someone like Tim Kaine. This makes me sad. Why? Because it reflects an attitude in America to quickly move onto the “next big thing,” and ignore those who have shown the ability to lead? An inability of Americans to pay attention to the people who hold power? The ability of powerful people to sneak under the radar while media attention focuses on President Donald Scott Trump? The lack of attention that Virginia gets? No, no, no and, for the sake of this humorous conclusion, no. (Stay away from O’Sullivan’s, Virginians. I like you.)

I am saddened by the disappearance of Tim Kaine because he seems like such a silly guy, so to speak. He was affable in a dorky dad type of way that I miss. Many of the Tim Kaine spoofs done by The Onion and “Saturday Night Live” portrayed him as a man who looked at everything with a childlike optimism, while remaining polite, and occasionally saying something in Spanish. This is the kind of leader that the world needs. Not just now. Any time in history, a ruler like Tim Kaine would right many wrongs. Tim, I know that you read The Huntington News, and I know that you want to be goofy. Please, Senator Kaine, come back into our lives.