By Laura Finaldi, News Staff
Increased acceptance of casual hook-ups and one-night stands has led to a blur in the line of what is consent and what is not when it comes to defining rape, experts said.
On Feb. 25, University Health and Counseling Services (UHCS) posted an entry to its “Health-N-You” blog on the severity of “gray rape,” a term coined in the article, “A New Kind of Date Rape,” that originally appeared in Cosmopolitan magazine’s September 2007 issue. The article defines “gray rape” as intercourse in which there is uncertainty about whether or not both parties consent to sex.
The UHCS post said Massachusetts state law defines rape as when a person is forced to submit to sexual intercourse against his or her will because of threat of bodily injury or otherwise. All parties must give verbal consent in order for sexual intercourse to legally take place, and anything otherwise can be classified as rape. Consent cannot be obtained if a person is intoxicated, underage, unconscious or mentally incompetent. The blog also said because of all of these things, there is nothing “gray” about rape at all.
Laura Sessions Stepp, author of the Cosmopolitan article, said many of the victims of gray rape she interviewed for the story partially blamed themselves for what happened. She said a lot of the women do not like to think of themselves as victims.
“All of them had said ‘no’ to the guy in some way, and in my mind, that made him the guilty party,” she said. “But not in their minds. They worried about whether they had said ‘no’ forcefully enough, or why they didn’t just get up and leave, or why they didn’t have enough sense early on to sense where things were going.”
The gray area does not just affect women, either. Stepp’s article said women are likely to change their minds in the heat of the moment, which can make things uncomfortable for the man, who may not be alright with crossing a boundary that had been put in place a short time earlier. To avoid gray rape scenarios, Stepp said it is important for men and women to make sure they and their partners are ready before anything happens.
“This ease with each other, and what they’re about to do, happens when they already know each other or take the time to get to know each other, before the sex,” she said. “They should also feel free to say no at any time, even if they’ve said yes before. Hesitation is frequently a signal to wait. And waiting until both are ready is not only the safe thing to do, it makes for better sex.”
Dr. Jason Evan Mihalko, a Cambridge-based psychologist, said in some instances, no one is more confused about what actually happens in a gray rape scenario than the victims themselves. He said the effect of any kind of rape on a person’s mind can depend on a person’s biological ability to deal with traumatic situations.
“Some people have biological consequences when something traumatic happens and some people can barely even process what happened,” he said. “However, just because one doesn’t have trauma symptoms doesn’t make a statement about what’s right or wrong,”
Mihalko said he, like Stepp, has seen how victims will often blame themselves for what happened in a gray rape scenario. He said being able to go to therapy and talk through these feelings of guilt is an important part of the healing process.
“To keep [victims] out of the very important experience of feeling those feelings of blame keeps people from sorting through them and being able to move forward with their lives,” he said. “As a therapist, I think it’s very important for people to talk about how they think it’s their fault.”
Stepp said gray rape is prevalent in a college setting because casual sexual encounters are more common and accepted than they were a generation ago. Sophomore economics and international affairs major Karen Abou-Jaoude said she agrees, and said she has heard stories of younger girls going to parties, getting drunk and sleeping with someone, only to accuse those same people of taking advantage of them the next day.
She said she thinks most people have a sense of their limits while drinking and should not drink too much if they want to avoid bad things from happening.
“If they’re going into it not expecting something, but being O.K. with whatever happens, it can’t be considered rape,” she said. “When girls drink, they know what their limits are. [A girl] will give a guy so much attention at one point, she’s leading you on, so you’re expecting it at the end of the day.”
Ari Zosherafatain, sophomore economics and international affairs major, said it’s hard to figure out what boundaries are acceptable because girls who are drinking tend to change their minds over the course of a couple of hours.
“I think girls just kind of get caught in the moment,” he said. “Guys are more focused on ‘Hey, let’s have fun.’ They think ‘I’m gonna be this guy tonight and girls are either gonna dig it or they’re not.’”
Although people have different perceptions of what counts as rape, UHCS said in the blog post that students should report any scenario where non-consensual contact was made to Boston Police or NUPD.
“Regardless of whether or not force was used, regardless of what she was wearing, whether or not they had a pre-existing sexual relationship, whether they were friends, whether they were making out that night, whether they were drunk, or any other number of factors, consent was not obtained,” the blog said in reference to an example from Stepp’s article. “Rape does not happen because of mixed signals or a misunderstanding.”
