Yeah, I’ll admit to it. I actually took a page out of Britney Spears’ relationship guide.

God, if there’s one chemically-colored pop star I dislike, it’s that ex-Mouseketeer, but that’s besides the point.

Outside of her 55 hours of wedded bliss, before yesterday that is, I think I may hold a new record for shortest relationship – six days.

Reason behind that blink-of-an-eye breakup is irrelevant, but the mere fact that I haven’t been able to steer away from misjudgments like that, at the age of 20, well, it’s just a bit sad.

I’m starting to think there’s some giant neon sign on my head, magnetically attracting any complex situation to me, leaving me befuddled. Whether it’s the usual problems a college student goes through or some story for the books, either way, it’s inevitable I will forever be denied “smooth sailing.”

I swear I get myself “in a pickle” more often than Gerkins, leaving me looking for some way to cure this horrendous problem.

At first glance through the shelves of the bookstore, even the “Self-Help” section proved to be useless. “How to Knit,” no, that’s not what I wanted. “How to Manage Your Finances;” it seemed like I’d have to think of something myself.

Many long nights were spent brainstorming, slaving away, over my head in research in a vain attempt to come up with something that could ease the trouble of the dating process.

OK, so maybe not, but it makes me sound a bit less counter-productive than saying “well, it really just dawned on me,” right?

Digging back into the hit shows of my day, I finally found a principle, buried deep in platinum hairstyles, drooling guys and a host who first rocked out the bowl cut – Singled Out.

Remember that? It took MTV by storm in 1995, leaving teens and twentysomethings alike in awe over the simplicity of this modern, well at least for then, version of “The Dating Game.”

Which is why I’m patenting a new idea, something that just may solve our age bracket’s relationship toils for those, like myself, who are seemingly inept in those situations.

I propose bringing back the concept of our beloved dating game, minus Jenny McCarthy, in real life rather than cable television.

The general thought behind it was revolutionary. The rest… well, that can be put up for argument. Ranging from the overly trivial, superficial categories based on appearance to performance, a slew of men and women flocked to the show for a date with someone they had never even seen.

Now, whether any of these “dates” turned into life-long commitments, I highly doubt, but in any regard, having such a screening process could prevent disasters and faulty hook-ups from even gracing one’s forethoughts.

Just humor me for a second. The ever painful and often drama-filled ordeal that is interpreting the psyche of the opposite sex would all be done through a third party, eliminating any awkward encounters if that person is rejected.

No more reading into things, no more long nights spent picking apart a five minute conversation to see if him saying “I like your shirt,” means he’s looking to settle down, a cleavage-lovin’ pig or more interested in being your fashion designer.

Not only would there be a slew of willing men at my disposal, but no hard feelings if they just so happen to get cut because they didn’t make the height requirement for amusement park rides, or were too sentimental.

And just think, you could filter through all of those guys with bad breath, insane jealousy, those short a toe, bad in bed or, even worse, hairier than Bigfoot (not knockin’ those who are).

Doing all of that on your own can be tiring at times, though great other times. This would ensure there wouldn’t be any speed bumps along the way or better yet, no more blind dates with Mr. Overbite.

Then dating may not be as much of a hassle as it can be. Personal experiences and stories from friends should frighten those starting this endless process/adventure from ever wanting to “hold hands” but for some odd reason, only intrigues them.

So with a screening process similar to such dating shows, the pain would be minimal, the elimination process would fit in a half-hour span with three commercial breaks and I could rest a little bit easier. If only life were so simple.

— Kaitlin Thaney can be reached at [email protected].