In many cases it’s just as bad to sit back and watch a great injustice take place without intervening. Sometimes in life you have to put your foot down and stand up for what is right, or in this case stand against what is so terribly wrong.
No, I’m not talking about the unjustified war our country is currently fighting, or the fact that if President George W. Bush is re-elected, there will be a draft this spring and all of us will be eligible. I’m talking about a ridiculous fad that must be stopped before it’s too late. I have weathered the trucker hat storm like a true champion, and the aviator sunglasses obsession can continue forever, as long as no one forgets that David Hasselhoff started it on “Knight Rider,” but the line must be drawn somewhere. The most disturbing fad my dreadful fad radar (DFR) has detected makes these Knoxville/Kutcher fashion statements pale in comparison.
I fear that if measures aren’t taken, this new threat will not be just another one-year fad like the pog explosion of ’95. This one has all the makings of a legitimate long-lasting trend and has already rekindled evil thoughts that have been buried deep inside me since the Tickle Me Elmo/Teletubby era.
The newest item I’ve added to my “things I would kill if they were people list” is the toy dog fad (I ranked it just above the McDonald’s chicken selects commercials). Don’t try to tell me you haven’t seen an increasing amount of prissy girls on campus walking their “cute,” slightly larger than gerbil dogs around with ribbons that match their own outfit, because I’ve seen them, and so help me God I will take action.
I can understand having a dog, and even a small dog, because many of them are cute, but a Chihuahua is not cute. They aren’t nice, and the fact that they are inside your purse only makes the thought of punting them 50 yards that much more tantalizing. The only Chihuahua I have ever liked was the “yo quiero Taco Bell” dog, and that’s only because I really do love Taco Bell and anybody, dog or human, that’s down with TB is down with me. (Cheesy Gordita Crunch … so good.)
Like the Kutcher/Knoxville fashion frenzy, the toy dog epidemic can be linked to celebrity trendsetters, and like most of the things that are wrong with American culture, this new fad can be pinned to the biggest problem of all … teeny boppers.
Now don’t get me wrong, Britney Spears is a flat out bombshell, but the damage she has caused to our society is far greater than the pleasure she has given many lonely men. Brit isn’t alone in this debacle. Thanks to Fox, and the coolest ex-boyfriend in the world, we all know Paris Hilton very well (don’t lie, you’ve seen the video). If you know Paris, you know Tinkerbell, her oh-so-kickable pink-clad Chihuahua.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly normal to want to be like a ridiculously hot celebrity, and by all means please dress like them, but leave the dogs out of it.
These two rich vixens have made the young women of today look like snobby bitches, and that’s the worst part of this situation. It isn’t the cruelty of putting a dog in a $900 Louis Vuitton purse with a matching bandana — their life pretty much sucks already since they aren’t big enough to drink from the toilet bowl. The worst thing about this new fad is the statement these girls are trying to make.
By flaunting the latest gift their Daddy or 30-year-old boyfriend got them, they’re basically saying three things: one, I’m rich, two, I’m spoiled and three, I am so much better than you.
Well here’s a news flash honey – you ain’t Britney and you sure as hell aren’t Paris Hilton. If you want an ugly dog that you’ll probably kill by stepping on it, leave it at home. There is no reason a dog should ever be in a bag or wearing clothes, unless it’s a holiday. (I’ll admit it, dogs in Santa Claus outfits are pretty damn cute.)
Sure, sometimes we all wish we had a little friend we could dress up and take with us everywhere, but let’s be serious, we’re in college. I think we all should have outgrown the Cabbage Patch Kids phase by now (they never looked good in pink anyway). If you’re really that lonely, pledge a sorority or join the Anime club.
– Max Lederman is a middler communications major and a member of The News staff.
