The political theorists are right: We are a nation divided. However, it’s not over the war on terror, but on the historical Alexander the Great’s sexuality in what is being touted as one of the gayest movies since, well, “Spartacus.”

In director Oliver Stone’s current depiction of the Greek conqueror in “Alexander,” the title character, played by Colin Farrel, has a few questionable scenes with Hephaistion (Jared Leto). The man-on-man action that is depicted has already proven to be too hot for some audiences.

These scandalous acts include massages and warm embraces. That’s right, warm embraces. You might want to cover the children’s eyes or else they may see two men make remote physical contact.

While most male movie-goers across the country tucked their excitement behind their belts to see Neve Campbell and Denise Richards swap spit in “Wild Things,” (which they even went on to win an MTV Movie Award for), the mere thought of a gay male love scene makes a lot of people so uncomfortable that they have to leave the theater and hop on the Internet message boards.

On a message board provided on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB), www.imdb.com, in a thread titled “His name was Alexander the great, not Alexander the fag,” the initial post begins by accusing Stone of “dishonoring” Alexander’s name. In his words: “Being called gay is a serious derogatory label, I know gays don’t think so but they are a small minority and I am speaking to the majority of people.” [sic]

Many people might have the same reaction I first had when reading that line: There is a pretty strong majority of people, regardless of sexual orientation, that don’t feel being gay is a negative thing. But, luckily, as I read on, another post very eloquently elaborated by saying, “For those of you who don’t think gay is a derogatory term, then just you call Chuck Norris a fag and see what happens, your funeral.” [sic]

After the last election, I knew I couldn’t relate to over half of the country, but now I don’t think I’m even on the same planet.

Of course these posts were answered by a slew of self-righteous activists who continued to bombard the posters with accusations of homophobia and underscorings of historical relevance.

Suddenly, it becomes clear there is a bigger issue here.

The issue is so big, in fact, that a group of disgruntled Greek lawyers threatened to sue Stone for twisting history.

But Greece is no stranger to homosexual innuendoes. In a scene that did not make the original cut of Stanley Kubrick’s “Spartacus” (1960) due to pressure from censors (though it later returned in the 1991 restoration), the character Marcus Licinius tries to seduce Antoninus by asking if he prefers “oysters or snails.”

So what if Alexander may have opted for the seafood sampler?

The portrayal of Alexander as a bisexual is based on historical evidence, but even if it wasn’t, the film, like any other, is Stone’s interpretation. Hell, Elijah Wood was portrayed as a hobbit in “Lord of the Rings” and Ren