In my six years of dating different men, I thought I encountered almost every type. I dated The Mature Relationship Guy, The Player, The Commitophobe and The Nice Guy. It seemed as though I had it all figured out. But it wasn’t until recently that I discovered a type that has broken so many of my friends’ hearts, he deserves a category all to himself: The Mysterious Guy. And if you haven’t dated him yet, don’t dare step out in your skinny jeans and strappy stilettos before reading on.
You’ll know him when you see him. Or better yet, from the butterflies you get in your stomach from his “Oh, too cool” demeanor and complete vocabulary of every romantic line he knows you’ll fall for. However, be sure not to confuse him with The Player or The Commitophobe, he’s much more abstruse. Unlike The Player and The Commitophobe, The Mysterious Guy won’t leave a recognizable trail of girls’ phone numbers around his apartment and tell you they’re all just friends. He will be honest with you and tell you he is dating other people. And he’ll convince you that you should too.
That’s the most frustrating part about dating The Mysterious Guy. You can never get angry at him. Because of the fact he’s so unpredictable, you won’t want to risk losing him over what really was just three days that he didn’t call you back. You’ll crave his attention and adore his affectionate ways. He’s different from all the other guys you’ve dated, but you can’t decide if that’s a good thing. The Mysterious Guy tests your boundaries and gently tries to coax you into thinking it’s OK to break the rules every once in a while. And though you may try to resist his tempting powers of persuasion, you’ve already broken your first rule. You gave him a chance.
The Mysterious Guy is the master of fastidiously playing The Game. He makes his most important moves when he knows you’re not looking and somehow always tricks you into thinking you’re winning. But don’t be fooled. He always wins. Every time. Every game.
The Reason You’ll Fall For Him:
I’m always amazed by the way my completely confident, intelligent and attractive friends fall for The Mysterious Guy time and time again. What once were reasonable girls who would never put up with inconsistent phone calls and perpetual disappointments suddenly turn into thrill seekers willing to endure a rollercoaster of emotions and the risk of getting their hearts broken, all for the sake of the ride. They are tricked into believing the excitement of the unknown is far better than the insipid promise of a relationship in the future. And I must admit: I was one of them.
Ironically, all too often the perfect candidate to be fooled by The Mysterious Guy is the girl who analyzes everything and rarely takes chances. To be clear, her idea of being spontaneous consists of sending an impromptu message to a guy she knows on The Facebook before running it by her best girlfriend. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything. So, when The Mysterious Guy comes along, she is intrigued by his capricious nature and “live for the moment” attitude on life. It’s the same mentality behind why Good Girls date Bad Guys. Because it’s more fun.
“Vicariously, I was living through his fortuitous ways, since my life had always been perfectly planned out,” my friend, a sophomore communications major, told me. “Our conversations would energize me and make me feel alive. He wasn’t like anyone else I had ever met. He was like a drug and I felt like I was becoming addicted.”
The Lie You Will Tell Yourself:
As women, we can stand in front of a mirror, look at ourselves from every angle, and immediately know if a pair of jeans fits us right. But when we try on new relationships, we only choose to look at them from the best angle and never believe the true reflection. Even if it’s staring us right in the face. Instead, we turn to the only experts we trust for a second opinion – our best friends.
It is in our good friends that we find the security lacking in our semi-relationship with The Mysterious Guy. They are the ones that help us create excusable reasons for his otherwise unacceptable behavior. Because let’s face it, the truth hurts. It’s much easier to pull the wool over our eyes and make ourselves believe that he can’t commit to us right now because “he’s not ready for a relationship.” And while a great awakening recently occurred after the vast majority of women read the bestselling book, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” by Greg Behrendt, it seems to me like many of us still just don’t want to believe it.
When dating The Mysterious Guy, don’t be surprised if you find yourself lowering your standards. “You accept anything you can get from him because he has it in your head that you have to savor any moment he can give you,” a friend of mine said. If any other guy you were dating forgot your birthday, you probably wouldn’t talk to him for a week. But when The Mysterious Guy calls you out of the blue two weeks later, you’re so enthralled that he took the time to dial your digits that you immediately want to see him. The $100 you spent on a new outfit to wear to your birthday dinner (in case he showed up) doesn’t matter anymore. He called.
How to Pull Yourself Away:
Unfortunately, there is no magic way to erase The Mysterious Guy from your life. Though he may have caused you months or even years of heartaches, he has made an indelible footprint on your heart. But wait, there is good news.
You learn a lot about yourself after dating him. You discover which relationship rules you should bend and the consequences of breaking the ones you never should have. You’ll also find yourself wondering if what you got in return was worth risking everything you ever knew to be true. It all comes down to a question of values. What are you willing to sacrifice for the possibility of finding or losing someone you care about?
If you detect yourself giving up the things in your life you value the most, you could be dating The Mysterious Guy.
As for me, my Mysterious Guy has not yet completed his disappearing act. There are still the random phone calls and e-mails. But I have finally accepted the fact that my Mysterious Guy will never be anything more than that. For now, he lives in a memory box on the top shelf of my closet through a series of black and white photographs. It was a period in my life when everything seemed a little gray and fuzzy. But I can proudly say now that I can see clearer. And I have no regrets.
– Contributed by a News Correspondent
