Considering the $58 and change my housemates and I pay each month for cable, wow, what quality television we get! (Insert sarcasm here.)
Recently, outside the realm of conventional reality TV that is slowly taking over the world, VH1 touched on something revolutionary, remarkable and extremely dangerous.
Last week, “In Search of the Partridge Family,” the latest reality TV experiment that searches for modern replacements for the beloved cast of “The Partridge Family,” finalized all of the key roles for the ’70s program remake, casting a Shirley, Keith, Danny and even a Laurie. But, instead of casting through normal auditions, they decided to throw in a little American Idol flair. Hell, who doesn’t try to do that nowadays? Whether by recreating the Idol principle or adding a Survivor elimination round, I’d say 70 percent of television has used one or another.
So, after holding casting calls across the United States, contestants, broken down into each character category, went on to performance “boot camp” and performed, only to be selected by, you guessed it, the audience, by either calling in or voting online.
Ring a bell? It gets better. This is where I started to gag. OK, so I have to admit, it was rather cute to see a 12-year-old little boy get his hair chemically altered to look like Bonaduce and watch him sing “Mambo No. 5.” But when I saw the final product for these people, I was beside myself.
After the final characters are selected, they will go on to rehearse and recreate the actual “Partridge Family” show. Is that legal? I mean come on now, the show had its run, a very successful one at that, but do we need to relive all of that? Trust me, there’s enough pathetic programming out there to take the place of this.
Just switch over to Fox. They’re actually going to place these people in a Partridge-esque setting with a Partridge-esque script and bam, there you have it, the next best thing to hit America’s television network.
Are you kidding me? First off, that’s a recipe for disaster. Mix together some people who can easily have a team of beauticians transform them into retro-pop stars with feathered hair, carry a tune and speak in public and you have a mess worse than a four-car crash during rush hour. Do these people even remember the show, or did they just dust off their parents’ old lunchboxes and David Cassidy dolls?
It was before my time, I know that for sure. And unless Botox has made people from that generation look like a 19-year-old Keith, I think people have to realize what they’re getting themselves into. I just remember, from watching the reruns of the show along with other staple programs from years before me, that the feel good sitcom left you wondering how much was real.
I think it was actually VH1, come to think of it, that launched an investigation into the show years after the fact in their signature “Behind the Music” form to take a closer look into what made the program tick. And, what did they unveil? Well, “Laurie” was anorexic, “Keith’s” ego got a little too big and it turns out “Shirley” and “Keith” were the only two out of the whole gang that actually could sing. The rest, my friends, was staged or a product of studio enhancement. I apologize for crushing the hopes and dreams of those who actually planned to tune into this new show for its musical talent.
What confuses me is why they even had the Lauries and the Dannys make an attempt at singing. The Keiths and Shirleys could be solely for entertainment value. Maybe instead they should have held a Q ‘ A with the two. It wouldn’t take too long either. All you need to ask the Lauries is if they would ever consider a diet and then ask the Dannys if they have an affinity for drugs. Hmm, maybe that wouldn’t go over quite as well as I thought.
Regardless, the premise is comparable to searching for a “new” cast for “Full House,” wait — WB has that all set already. How about remaking “Beverly Hills, 90210”? Again, already done, but in a more clever way. Fox actually came up with a new show, new characters and new plots with the “OC.” The new hit show only resembles Kelly and Brandon’s stomping ground rather than entirely reinventing them.
Well, good luck VH1. I really wish you the best. Maybe this will all work out for you and the new “Partridge Family” will take the world by storm, or give us all a newfound case of indigestion.
— Kaitlin Thaney can be reached at [email protected]
