You would think that with a title like “Saturday Night Live” (SNL), not only would the sketches and spoofs be performed on the fly, but also the musical performances.

But apparently pop starlet Ashlee Simpson has a different interpretation of what it means to be “live.” Audiences across the country watched as the “pieces” of Simpson came crashing down during her second performance on SNL two weeks ago.

Poised to deliver her latest single, “Autobiography,” Simpson held the mic to her side while an obvious track of her vocals played “Pieces of Me,” Simpson’s first number of the evening, in the background. The singer began to jump around like a complete idiot before storming off-stage like a first grader who just wet her pants during a school play. Simpson’s band continued to play along to the track before SNL cut to a commercial break.

As if Simpson didn’t handle the situation poorly enough, she appeared again at the close of the show and, in a perfectly clear and healthy voice, blamed the band for the entire ordeal and explained that it is live TV (or so she would have you believe) and that she decided to have a “hoe-down” instead.

Simpson later blamed the botch on a computer glitch and then on her acid reflux. Someone can’t keep her story straight, now can she?

It’s times like these that I begin to wonder to myself, “Aren’t there people in charge of all this? Isn’t it someone’s job to make sure this doesn’t happen and that the ‘star’ is trained adequately enough to handle such a situation?”

For me, the real crime here wasn’t the lip syncing — it happens all the time, and really, what do you expect from the Simpson’s “other” daughter? The real travesty was how Simpson handled the mishap.

First off, she could have picked up the mic and just “sang” along. There would be much less of a scandal if she played the same song twice, rather than not playing anything at all.

Or, if she felt she was already busted, she could have gracefully apologized and walked off stage. Instead she chose to have a “hoe-down.” A hoe-down, are you serious? When has a hoe-down ever improved any situation? In my opinion, hoe-downs only serve to make things worse, and in this case, that’s exactly what it did. Now, not only did Simpson look like a fool once, but twice.

Then, Simpson went on to blame her band and “live TV.” Maybe if she accepted at least an iota of responsibility, she may have walked away with a piece of her pride. Simpson showed her immaturity once more with the elementary “he did it” mentality.

Simpson’s management only furthered the humiliation by blaming a “computer glitch.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve never heard of a computer glitch that suddenly began to play the vocals to a song that was just about to be performed on live TV. Sorry guys, not buying it.

Oh wait, it wasn’t a computer glitch, it was acid reflux. That’s funny, because she sure sounded fine during her appearance in one of the opening skits, as well as when she screamed her faulty explanation at the end of the show as clear as an Alpine yodeler.

It almost makes me wonder if this was all staged. It all seems so ridiculous that there’s no way a slip-up of this proportion could have really got by all the people that are supposed to prevent a screw up of this magnitude.

Unfortunately, I’m sure Simpson’s career is not in any jeopardy. When the episode of “The Ashlee Simpson Show” featuring this catastrophe airs, ratings will soar and if nothing else, this grabbed her headlines all over the country.

But the part that still sticks with me is that Ashlee herself has not gotten up and cleared the air. Why can’t she just get up and say, “Yeah, I lip synced, but so do lots of other people.” No excuses. No, “I’m sorry, but my voice hurt.” Just suck it up and own up to it. All she’s done is make excuses and pass the blame to her innocent bandmates.

There are far greater crimes that Simpson could have committed. Think back to Milli Vanilli, they didn’t even sing those songs in the first place. While Simpson’s vocals are heavily filtered, she is at least attempting to sing the mediocre pop tunes. But really Ashlee, even Milli Vanilli gave back their Grammy and said “I’m sorry.”

— Bobby Hankinson can be reached at [email protected].