By Justin Rebello
Incredible. We live in a time of war, a lousy economy, a sequel to the Simple Life, and yet gay marriage decided the presidential election. Gay freakin’ marriage.
When I first heard gay marriage would be legalized in Massachusetts, I reacted the same way I do when Stop ‘ Shop tells me they are out of sushi. Indifference. I don’t eat sushi. Come on, try and follow along.
Gay marriage means nothing to me. Not because I’m straight. But, well, fine. It’s because I’m straight. If they make it legal, fine. If not, fine. I’ll say this though — with half of American marriages ending in divorce, can we throw that whole “sanctity of marriage” garbage out? Please? There’s nothing special about being married in America unless you’re that guy who was nothing but somehow ended up with Britney Spears. Bastard.
With all that said, somehow, gay marriage decided the 2004 election. Somehow, an issue that deals with less than 10 percent of Americans gave us George Bush: The Sequel. Somehow, an unjust war, a record deficit and a president with all the conviction of a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar saying, “I didn’t steal the cookies” won our hearts and our votes.
How did this happen? I’m glad you asked. One of the so-called “red states” was Iowa. The Boston Globe reported Thursday that 22 percent of Iowa’s voters claimed “moral values” as their primary reasons for voting for Bush, ahead of the economy and the war. Twenty-two percent. You have no idea how tough it is for me not to spew a Tarantino-esque level of expletives onto the screen in light of this stat.
By the way, “moral values” is a euphemism for “religion.” You know that’s the case. And if I could tear you away from “Passion of the Christ” long enough, let me tell you that your religious beliefs have no place in American politics. Organized religion hasn’t exactly been having a banner decade. Think about it, the most outspoken religious authority in this country devoted his energies to the sexual orientation of a Teletubby. Catholic priests are – umm — insert joke here. Creed sucks. The point is, religion isn’t (and shouldn’t) be the force it once was, and it should serve as no basis of opinion when electing a president.
Just look at the other issues. How can you defend Bush’s morality in terms of the war? How can you defend Bush’s morality in making the rich richer and treating the middle and lower class like the new guy on Oz? You can’t. But hey, God hates gays and abortion, all the things Bush hates. Sounds like a great idea.
By the way, I have a belief that any male politician who tries to make waves about abortion should be dragged out into the street and kicked in the balls repeatedly by a Lady Vol. I’m not saying abortion is swell, but I’ve never been a single mother living in poverty. So who knows? And if an aborted fetus can maybe help a paralyzed guy someday walk again, isn’t that moral? To take death and use it to improve life? Sorry, this is making way too much sense.
Now please don’t interpret this as another liberal agenda attack on Bush. Go rent “Fahrenheit 9/11” for that. If you voted for Bush and have a tangible reason for doing so, fine. Bush wasn’t all bad. He did bring down a brutal dictator. And John Kerry was by no means perfect. But to base your vote on morality is all kinds of stupid, and is simply a way to express bigotry under the guise of a cross.
Hate homosexuals? Well Matthew 21:30 says “Thine oats are rough.” Sounds like God hates gays. By the way, Matthew 21:30 doesn’t actually say that, but you see my point.
The Bible is a matter of interpretation. You’re going to read what you want to read. And if you think the Bible attacks certain people, chances are that’s a subconscious decision to attack said people yourself. It’s much easier in this day and age to cite sources when being ignorant to another lifestyle, especially if that source is the most widely read book in the world.
Bush told the American people we have to bomb Iraq or we’re going to get nuked. Fine, but where are the nukes? Bush flew the bin Ladens out of America after September 11 with no questions asked. Bush inherited the largest surplus and turned it into the largest deficit. I’ve seen girls with Daddy’s Gold Card who are thriftier than that. Somehow, people all over the Midwest and South looked past that, and saw that Bush was against gay marriage. That decided the election. Not “moral values.” Homophobia.
There is a word to describe these people: God-fearing. Well we’re Bush-fearing. And God doesn’t run for re-election.
– Justin Rebello can be reached at [email protected].
