By Jennifer Smith
If you’ve ever snored with your windows open, sported a goatee without the required permit or went to bed without first taking a full bath, you’re in violation of Massachusetts law.
It is also illegal in Massachusetts for tomatoes to be used in the production of clam chowder and to have a gorilla in the back seat of your car.
“Well, of course you could have the gorilla in your front seat,” freshman architecture major Evan Bradley said. “Maybe someone was driving a gorilla around and there was an incident.”
A variation of these absurd laws exist in every state and other countries around the globe. The laws are sometimes referred to as blue laws, though that is not technically accurate, as blue laws are laws that uphold religious standards, usually pertaining to activities on Sundays. In Massachusetts, they manifest themselves by barring the sale of alcohol before noon on Sundays, as well as on Thanksgiving, Christmas and Memorial Day; men must bring rifles to church on Sundays; hunting on Sundays is also illegal.
“Why must all men carry a rifle to church on Sunday if hunting on Sundays is prohibited?” freshman digital art major Jackie Keffas said. “What are they doing with it?”
The origins of blue laws are understandable, given the predominantly religious orientations of the country’s founding lawmakers. Massachusetts’ puritanical founders are certainly the root of these blue laws, as well as the law stating that Quakers and witches are banned.
“I’m pretty sure they took care of that problem already,” Keffas said.
The laws are still in existence because they have never been challenged. In order for a law to be revoked or declared unconstitutional, it must be brought to court. Because the courts are not allowed to choose their own battles, they can only handle those brought to them.
According to The Federal Reserve Bank of Boston’s “History of Colonial Money,” the 1652 government in Boston decided that “the people should not continue using the mixture of foreign coins, wampum, bullets, and barter objects any longer.” This led to the establishment of laws banning the use of bullets as currency.
Ridiculous laws have prompted copious books on the topic. In “You Can Get Arrested for That: 2 Guys, 25 Dumb Laws, 1 Absurd American Crime Spree,” author Richard Smith recounts his quest to break “farcical” American laws.
Smith traveled to Boston sporting a goatee, only to find that the police did not even contemplate arresting him for it.
“[Having a goatee] is a form of self-expression,” Bradley said.
Like that of the bullet controversy, this law can be traced back to colonial Massachusetts, where beards were uncommon and the Puritans stayed primarily clean-shaven.
According to Stewart Holbrook, author of “Lost Men of American History,” colonist Joseph Palmer was persecuted for daring to wear a beard in Fitchburg, Massachusetts in 1830. The required goatee permit is a remnant of that age and is clearly not upheld today.
NU students see little merit to police actions in cases regarding these laws.
“There are more important things for police to be paying attention to,” undecided freshman Karen Odreman said.
Someone with an exceptionally bad cold may have prompted the law forbidding snoring unless all doors and windows of the residence are securely locked.
“That makes no sense,” Odreman said. “It’s not something that people can control.”
Yet in view of noise regulations in certain areas, this law could ensure the comfort of apartment-dwellers living in close quarters.
Other laws delve into social courtesies. It is illegal in Massachusetts to eat more than three sandwiches at a wake, any gift certificate given must be valid for seven years and public boxing matches are outlawed.
“Why does the government need to regulate that number of sandwiches you eat?” Bradley said. “I’d ask if Massachusetts lawmakers were high when they passed these laws, but they have laws against drugs too.”
