Experts suggest having sex for comfort may be the next emotional eating

By Angel Feliciano, News Correspondent

While some turn to food like chocolate to help make themselves feel better emotionally, others turn to sex for comfort.

In a blog entry entitled “The Joy of Comfort Sex” on CNN’s website, author and sexuality counselor Ian Kerner compared sex with ordering takeout from a Chinese restaurant. “Sure, you know what you’re getting and there’s no need to ponder the menu, but the meal is still consistently yummy and generally hits the spot,” he said.

Jill Di Donato, a contributor to The Huffington Post, wrote an article titled “‘Comfort Sex’: Is it a Bad Thing?” She said comfort sex leaves her “full of endorphins and also that warm, safe feeling you get from simply being held.”

But why the craving for sex? Justin Bensan, a middler political science major, said a craving for sex is the same as a craving for chocolate – comforting.

“It makes you feel good both physically and emotionally. I think the only thing that makes it different is that you have to involve somebody with that craving for sex,” he said. “And there is a whole intimacy going on. If you buy a bar of chocolate, its just you and chocolate. But with sex, somebody else is involved.”

Joy Richmond, a freshman theatre major, believes that sex can be a great alternative to comfort eating.

“I definitely had moments where I’ve had a particularly rough day when I just really want to get laid. And I’ve indulged in them,” she said. “It’s like when you have a bad day and you need to go for a run, having sex is almost the same thing, but with sex, you share that intimacy and its more fun.”

Boston psychologist Dr. Andrea Herber who specializes in sex therapy said there’s a whole lot of range to define “comfort sex.”

“The thing about comfort sex is that there is a healthy range and an unhealthy range, in relationships and out of relationships. Often in relationships it can mean a need for reassurance or soothing,” she said.

Di Donato said comfort sex doesn’t necessarily mean friends with benefits. She said she seeks out comfort sex as a way to be soothed emotionally as much as sexually.

Even though comfort sex is sharing a connection with somebody else, it does not always have to be with an actual person.

“If women are single and don’t feel like having sex with anybody, they may also choose to engage in porn for comfort,” Herber said.

But, if porn “isn’t your thing, there’s a variety of social networking sites where you can safely, discretely, and from the comfort of your own bed, chat until you get off,” Di Donato wrote.

And then there is the occasion of wanting to have sex with an ex because having sex with a stranger may not trigger climax in some women. In Di Donato’s case, part of what makes sex comfortable is doing it with someone she knows, because “no orgasm means not so comforting.”

At the end of the day, people who are in a relationships have many different reasons for engaging in comfort sex, said Herber.

“Two healthy people who truly know themselves can have healthy consensual sex. However there are many times that people feel they are ‘just having sex’ when they are doing their self esteem harm … and putting themselves at risk,” she said. “People who try to ‘medicate’ boredom, loneliness, poor self esteem and who have a fear of emotional intimacy and or a trauma history should be very very careful before engaging in ‘comfort sex.’”

Richmond said she feels it would be better for two people who choose to engage in comfort sex to not know each other at all.

“I personally feel like it’ll be better if you didn’t know the person, then you can just move on and forget about it instead of having this thing looming over you,” she said. “It can get awkward.”