A couple of weeks ago, one of my concerned constituents came to me wrought with fear. Now, in apocalyptic times of crippling national debt, soaring foreclosures and a daily three-meal-swipe limit at Outtakes, what more could paralyze my fellow citizens of Huntington Avenue with fear?

Well, get this, fellow Huskies. The Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (MBTA), the bureaucratic overlord of public transportation (I’m paraphrasing), those charged with coordinating the services fondly referred to as the T, is proposing a series of fare increases and service cuts to the public transportation system of our community, including the closing of the Green E Line on Huntington Avenue on the weekends.

I can tell you that I, as Mayor of Huntington Avenue, nearly broke my monocle when I read such devastating news that so obviously attacked all of and only the fine citizens of Huntington Avenue that I represent – the injustice! So maniacally and ruthlessly targeting the constituents that I serve with blood, sweat and tears each and every day.

So they plan to take away our E Line services on the weekends – I must ask, my friends: What’s next? Our buses? Our cars? Our bicycles? Our Segways? Soon enough, we’ll be paying double fare just to roll around on skate shoes and Razor scooters – I ask you, what kind of world is that? What kind of avenue is that?!

After weeks of debate, we’re still left with only two options from the MBTA that significantly raise fares and cut costs – and if Mayor Thomas M. Menino won’t take decisive action on this, this mayor will.

I am not afraid to stand up against this oppression that will deprive us all of the luxurious E Line and all of the glorious benefits that the freedom of transportation provides us. Let me make this pledge, my fellow Huskies; I will not eat, I will not sleep, I will not breathe, I will not pass “GO” and I will not collect $200 until the public transportation expectations of my constituents are not simply satisfied, but exceeded.

Let’s stand together as a campus, as a community, as a world (thank you, extensive co-op and dialogue networks) to save the lifeline of the avenue affectionately known as the “Avenue of the Arts” – to save culture and prevent the next coming of the Dark Ages – to protect the virtue and joy of all Huntington Avenue residents – to keep our university alive and thriving as a transportation hub of the city, ensuring for generations to come that Northeastern shall be known as more than just that school that your family friends constantly mistake for Northwestern.

Stand tall and proud for Huntington Avenue, fellow Huskies, before the fare for your right to proudly stand is increased by 35 percent to 43 percent, not adjusted for inflation. Thank you.

– Peter Petrin is mayor of Huntington Avenue and a junior political science major.