Often times, we hear people say the college years are the most liberating times of our lives. So why worry about relationships, right? Wrong. Although these are the years for us to have fun and to focus on ourselves, I don’t see why we can’t be involved in relationships. I guess the real matter at hand is making sure we are in healthy relationships.

I think many of us have been guilty of losing ourselves by obsessing over someone at some point in our lives. The problem is that when we put our partners, or potential partners, before our responsibilities, it can seriously set us up for failure. Sometimes, we become consumed by the drama, stress and lust that comes with relationships, and this leaves us feeling unfulfilled. The ultimate goal in any relationship should be to have a balance between your relationship and other priorities.

Most of us have heard of the saying that we need to love ourselves before we can let others love us, and I speak from experience when saying this is true. In order to have and to hold a successful relationship with anyone, one must be confident.

I have been in and out of relationships since I was fourteen, and many people, including myself, believe this to be a little unhealthy. I lacked self-esteem, and I constantly looked for a partner to fill that void. Once I would fall into a relationship, I became dependent and attached to my partner, and I gradually lost sight of my individuality. One thing I did not lose though, and I am proud of myself for it, was my dream of attending a university to better my education, regardless of who or what I was leaving behind. If I was in a relationship by the time I headed off to college, so be it – and that is exactly what happened.

I was with my boyfriend of two years when I found out I had been accepted to Northeastern University. It was a big change for me, moving to Boston from Orange County, California, but it sure was worth it. Although we are broken up now, I do not regret my decision to leave my boyfriend back home to move to Boston. For the record, the distance was not the reason for our breakup, nor was it even a contributing factor.

This all being said, imagine if I were to deny the acceptance letter I had received for the sake of my relationship. What if I had stayed in California and my boyfriend and I had broken up anyway? I would have compromised my hopes and dreams for something, or someone, that was not exactly a guarantee. As students, we need to remember that our academic futures are more of a guarantee than any relationship, as long as we take control of the situation.

So what does it take to have a healthy relationship? I like to lay down a foundation that incorporates the following five concepts: confidence, open communication, trust, optimism and alone time. Like I mentioned before, confidence is key in any relationship. Not only does it contribute to a healthier relationship, but it also contributes to a more positive outlook on life.

It is essential to communicate with your partner consistently. You shouldn’t be afraid to voice your opinions, thoughts and feelings. If you are, you may want to re-consider your standing in the relationship. Talking about any issues may bring about temporary conflict, but once you and your partner overcome this obstacle it can draw you closer, leading to a stronger relationship.

Trust is a significant factor in any relationship, especially for those of us who have moved away from our partners. If your partner has not given you a reason to worry about your relationship, give them the benefit of the doubt. We shouldn’t hold others accountable for the mistakes that others have made with us.

Are you bored of doing the same thing all the time? Being optimistic will not only make you feel better about your relationship, but it will also keep your relationship fresh and exciting.

Lastly, don’t lose yourself. It’s nice to be in tune with your partner and to work as a team, but don’t sacrifice your personal hobbies and interests on their account. Set some time aside everyday or every week to focus on yourself and to do what you enjoy. Finally, remember that if things don’t work out the way you had hoped, keep moving forward because you’re one step closer to attaining your dreams.

– Aurehzu Ashley Rahimian is a fourth-year journalism major and a member of The News staff