I’m no wise man. Although I feel like I’m approaching my mid 40s, I’m only 22 years old. However, I have one final nugget of truth to convey before I ride off into the sunset. After yet another year of school (stupid five-year school).

While you may have disagreed wholeheartedly with everything I have ever said in this column over the last year, I think you’ll have a hard time arguing this point. The solution to all the Athletic Department’s problems is simple:

If you pour it, they will come.

Give me beer and I shall cheer on your bad football team.

Give me beer and I shall wake up early on a Saturday morning to take a bus to the field where I will cheer on this bad football team.

Who knows, if you give me beer I might actually go to a volleyball game.

We’ve all heard of beer goggles right? Who said that only applies to parties?

Can’t you just hear the Sunday morning conversations in Stetson East?

“Yo man, I got so wasted last night and I went to a hockey game.”

OK so maybe that’s a little bit overboard, but all joking aside, it makes perfect sense. When your school is in the middle of any city, you’re going to have a tough time getting students to do anything other than go out on the town. It’s the same dilemma Boston College faces, even though it’s not actually in Boston. They only have fans when their teams are good. You can knock on them for that if you want, but it’s better than nothing, which is close to what we have.

Some people think the NCAA prohibits the sale of alcohol at sporting events, and they do. However, they can only prohibit it at NCAA sponsored events, like championships.

So we are in the clear.

Now of course I don’t want to encourage underage drinking, or even binge drinking by legally-aged students, but I think this may actually help regulate student drinking. A good ol’ swipe of the Husky card should verify any student’s age and you can easily limit them to two or three beers.

It was clear this past basketball season that putting a good team on the floor isn’t going to fill the seats, so it’s up to the university to step up and offer more than just an exciting game. And can you ever go wrong with beer?

So there you have it – my master plan. But before I sign off for good, there’s something completely unrelated I’d like to touch on real quick. I know this has been a touchy subject lately, but I think it’s something all colleges should be thinking a lot about.

The drama unfolding in North Carolina over the alleged actions of the Duke lacrosse team should be a wake up call to every athletic department in the country. Like it or not, athletes get more than just scholarships when they arrive on campus. There are girls everywhere who want nothing more than an oversized jersey to wear to sleep at night and they flock to these young men. Bad things can happen, and although the situation at Duke doesn’t have to do with a female student, it did have to do with two athletes allegedly thinking they could get away with something no human being, star athlete or not, should.

Now I’m not saying all athletes are scumbags, but just like anybody else, there are the select few rotten apples that ruin things for everyone.

It’s imperative that coaches and administrators do more to teach athletes how to handle the celebrity they receive when they get to college. I know some of you might not think a school like Northeastern has that kind of problem, but we do. I’m not saying rapes occur, but how can we know? It’s estimated that only 16 percent of rape victims come forward. How do we know this was the first time it happened at Duke? We don’t, just like we don’t know if it’ll ever happen at Northeastern. But we do know that for some reason girls at every college flock to athletes, and that can lead to dangerous situations for all parties involved.

And that’s that, my last column. Thanks for reading my column. The next round’s on you.

– Max Lederman can be reached at [email protected].

This is your last chance to tell him what you think.