By Ashley Traupman
Gender is not about who you are; rather, it is what you do. We are not inherently male or female. Instead, we act either masculine or feminine.
One definition of gender is the stereotypical roles that are attached to males and females. People define gender not only by physical characteristics, but also by behaviors, movements and actions. Gender is fluid; it is possible for a woman who usually acts feminine to, at times, act masculine and vice versa. If you saw a woman at a hockey game jumping around, dressed in a sports jersey and screaming at the top of her lungs, you wouldn’t think she was a man, but you might think she was acting masculine.
But at what point in our lives are we taught gender and why is this a lesson we must learn? The learning process usually starts in childhood but does it ever really stop?
I have worked at a daycare for almost two years and it has made me realize that we learn gender informally at a young age through interactions with others. Instead of simply acting the way we want to, we act according to other people’s expectations.
The children at the daycare are never intentionally segregated by gender, but at times the kids separate themselves. The child education system propagates gender boundaries and makes it difficult for boys to participate in stereotypically girl games. However, sometimes children are oblivious to how they “should” act.
A few weeks ago, one of the little boys at the daycare was playing with the other kids when he decided he wanted to play dress-up. Some of the girls were wearing colorful dresses and the boy walked up to me and asked me to help him put on a dark blue dress with sequins. I, of course, helped him put it on but there were other children in the room who questioned his behavior.
One little girl yelled, “Only girls wear dresses!” A few other teachers came to look at what he was wearing and we even took pictures. He was drawing attention to himself, yet he didn’t seem to notice. He did not realize he was doing something usually considered abnormal.
Another time, I was eating lunch at a table with five girls aged 3 to 5 when one of the girls proclaimed her desire to change her favorite color. A conversation about each girl’s favorite color began and it was not long before one 3-year-old said, “I like any color that is not a boys’ color.” When I asked her what she meant, she said boys’ colors were red, blue, black and brown. When I asked her what colors were “girls’ colors,” she said pink and purple.
Women are faced with limited options on a daily basis. Starting at a young age, girls are told that pink should be their favorite color and that boys should like more masculine, dark colors.
Doll houses, for example, toys usually associated with girls, are usually pink and purple. Legos, a toy played with mostly by boys, are red, blue, green, black and yellow. These two examples may have had an effect on the little girl’s idea of what colors are supposed to be associated with each gender.
But why can’t a boy wear a dress? Why can’t a boy wear pink? Why can’t we just accept people for who they are and who they want to be instead of judging them for being different?
We do not live in a world where boys and girls are allowed to grow up and be anything they want. If so, we would not be telling children which toys they should play with.
Teachers and other role models should not reinforce gender by making girls play with dolls and boys with trains. We have little control of what children learn through peers, but when we are around children, we should foster a fun learning environment where we look beyond gender.
If we work together, it is possible to help children make up their own minds. We should all try to assist in the battle so that children are not treated differently because of gender.
Gender can be a basis for discrimination, but if children are taught that both girls and boys are equal, then maybe they will grow up to believe it.
How would you feel if someone said you were not allowed to watch your favorite movie or play your favorite video game because it was not gender appropriate? So why is it that we are allowed to control what toys children play with? It’s a double standard.
-Ashley Traupman can be reached at
