By Ashley Traupman

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She is a senior in college, majoring in education. She just celebrated her three-year anniversary with her boyfriend and has been substitute teaching in her hometown since the beginning of the school year. While we were talking, she mentioned more than once how her life was finally falling into place just the way she had always dreamed.

She said she was ready to graduate and become a full-time math teacher and that she couldn’t wait to marry her boyfriend. At first, this caught me off-guard. How could a 21-year-old have her life so completely in line? How is it that I have yet to be in a serious relationship and here she is, talking about marriage?

But her situation is not the norm. Most people are waiting until later in life to settle down, get married and have kids.

In a survey conducted by the US Census Bureau, between 2000 and 2003, the average age of first marriage was 27 years old for men and 25 years old for women. This is much higher than it used to be. In 1964, our parents’ generation, the average age of first-time brides was 21. For first-time grooms, it was 24.

People are beginning to realize what a huge responsibility it is to get married and start a family. It is not easy; both parties must work at a marriage. Finances, living arrangements and lifestyles must be thought about before settling down.

There are also some aspects of life and relationships that have become more socially acceptable than they used to be, perhaps leading to the postponement of marriage. Caring for children as a single parent and having children out of wedlock are not looked down upon as much as they were previously, so it’s not as common for people to get married solely because the woman is pregnant. Also, cohabitating is no longer seen as taboo, which it was in the past. This leads to serious couples living together for extended periods of time instead of deciding to marry quickly.

It is also possible that waiting to get married may have to do with the fact that children are growing up in an age where a lot of parents are divorced. They may not have model families to look up to. Why would our generation want to get married when everywhere we look there are examples of unsuccessful marriages? Do we want to become part of the growing statistic of marriages that end in divorce?

The idea of falling in love with someone, marrying him or her and spending your entire life with a spouse is not as often seen as reality. My parents got divorced when I was young and my father has been married two more times since then. In my case, who am I supposed to look to as the perfect family, especially since the media is continuing to portray divorced families and single parents?

From comparing some of the older men and women in my life I have some theories on the happiness of married men versus married women. I look at my uncle, who has been married three times, and realize that he needs to be married because he is completely dependent on the woman in his life. He would be unhappy if he was not having his emotional needs constantly met.

On the other hand, there is my aunt who, after divorcing my uncle, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for more than a decade, yet they still have not gotten married. She is content with her life, and does not want to get married. Women value their independence and when not married are less stressed and therefore happier.

Women are deciding to wait until later in life before getting married so they can bask in independence longer. And men, who are notoriously afraid of commitment and being tied down, are waiting until even later in life to pop the question. But once men get a taste of married life, they realize how sweet it is.

On a separate note, since people are waiting longer to get married, it can be assumed that they are living alone longer. This is causing both men and women to be more independent. Women have to know how to complete jobs done around the home that are usually described as men’s work, like changing light bulbs and mowing the lawn. It is the same for men who have to know how to cook and vacuum.

Overall, both men and women want to enjoy the single life as long as possible. We have the rest of our lives to be tied down, so why not have fun while we can?

– Ashley Traupman can be reached at [email protected]