There’s nothing worse in this world than a dirty rotten cheater – unless that dirty rotten cheater is also a race-baiting, whiney narcissist sporting a head the size of a basketball. Barry Bonds has plagued Major League Baseball (MLB) for long enough, amassing godlike stats, legendary moments and an unrivaled collection of hypodermic needles and steroids. To add insult to injury, Bonds is also the all time home run king* and holds the single season home run record* too.

But now, Bonds has another accomplishment to boast about – a federal indictment; four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice. The Feds have a positive steroid test, and a record of lies from Big Head Barry, and I for one can’t wait to see him get convicted and rot in prison for 25 years.

This man is not only a giant cheater, but a giant jerk as well. He has been notoriously nasty to kids, media and to his family. He has always had to dig himself in and whine about anything and everything he didn’t like. He was a bad teammate, a selfish player and a dishonest person.

During the years, the San Francisco Giants, MLB and the Players Association milked the Steroids Era for everything it was worth and more. The integrity of the game, which players like Cal Ripken Jr. and Ken Griffey Jr. worked so hard to restore has been smashed to pieces by Bonds, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro, Jason Giambi and countless others involved with steroids. And MLB has laughed all the way to the bank.

The damage done to this game came to a climax when Bonds broke* Hank Aaron’s all-time home run record this summer. Instead of focusing on the wonderful accomplishment that it might have been without all the juicing, the media had to ask Bonds if his “record was tainted” to which he angrily snarled that it wasn’t. Yet another lie.

So thank you Barry, for leading the most destructive and selfish movement in sports history. Thank you for almost demolishing the game that I love so much. Thank you for sullying its name. Thank you for spitting in the faces of Hammerin’ Hank, the commissioner and, worst of all, the fans. Thanks for playing the race card so many times in your career. Thanks for being a whiney, self-absorbed, insecure freak. It looks like it’s all about to pay off.

So good luck in the slammer, Bonds. In prison, they don’t have steroids, but they do have hardened criminals who have nothing better to do than work out and shank each other.

– Dave Moberg is a junior political science major and editor in chief of the Northeastern Patriot.