When Hollywood tries to capsulize college life with a movie, it tends to stick to a formula. Half-naked women and men dressed in togas? Check. Bumbling campus cops who can’t seem to catch a break? Check. Some frosh who spends two-thirds of the movie trying to get laid by that elusive hottie? Check.

Let’s face it: “Animal House” is allegedly the most accurate portrayal of college life, but for many of us, keg stands and toga parties aren’t “all that.” Since a lot of us chose Northeastern for its co-op program, designed to throw us into a nine-to-five mentality early in life, we’re already career-oriented. (Or maybe you’re just using co-op to avoid writing term papers and sitting through three-hour lectures.)

Either way, if the past year at Northeastern were to be adapted to the big screen, there might be fewer shots of beer pong tourneys, and more shots of 20-year-olds getting ready for work. And thankfully, there would be no shots of students lighting cars on fire.

Since it’s set in Boston, we’d tap our favorite Southie boys Ben Affleck and Matt Damon to pen the screenplay. And he may be New York-bred, but after seeing “The Departed,” we already know that Martin Scorsese captures Boston life to a T (stop). “No Country For Old Men” star Javier Bardem seems born to play President Joseph Aoun. And maybe we can even coax Danny DeVito to fill the shoes of Student Government Association (SGA) President Joey Fiore.

There wouldn’t be any coordinated sing-a-longs or dance numbers, but Ludacris and Ted Leo would make musical guest spots. Filling the roles of extras would be easy – just peruse Centennial Commons on a sunny day. And there’d be more drama than an entire season of “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Here’s a guide to the potential run-down:

STORYLINE

It’d be a dramatic set-up. In September, school janitors are striking on campus, petitioning for higher wages and better benefits. They win out, but by the end of the month, Scorsese has his work cut out for him: 10 students are arrested for partying in Mission Hill. The neighborhood already has strained relations with the university as it tries to accommodate the growing number of college students who vomit on their lawns.

The fight between long-time Hill residents and students continues through the fall, with forums held discussing concerns of both sides. Neighbors say the students are being too loud and rowdy, students say it’s gentrification. By March, it appears the neighbors drew blood; a city ordinance is passed that limits off-campus housing to four undergrads per lease.

But it remains to be seen how this will play out.

THE CLIMAX

Here, Scorsese strikes gold. There are plenty of drama-inducing moments from the 2007-08 year to choose from. In October, many students were up in arms about the prospect of losing the football team. (And it’s not a college movie without a proper varsity sport to cheer for.) But the athletics director quells that controversy in January by asserting that there is “no reason to believe they would not be playing Northeastern football four years from now.”

OK, so maybe that wouldn’t work.

But then there was the fuss around reforming the Office of Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution, which many students say is unfairly run. The screen time for this might be a little boring though, marked by empty discussion forums and Derek Miller looking awfully forlorn.

The real gem might lie with the SGA direct elections for president. They may not be of “Election”-style proportions – no Tracy Flick in sight – but we’ve got a perennial favorite, Sen. Rob Ranley, and two fellow senators, Marines Piney and Dan Kamyck, playing the Davids to his Goliath. Piney drops out early, and Kamyck’s nomination seems unpopular right from the start. “I have never feared so much for the future of the Student Government Association (SGA) and of the student body,” wrote one senator in a letter to The News.

By April, we learn we have our very own “Gossip Girl” in our midst. SGA Sen. Grant Oberg reveals himself to be “The NU Governator,” an anonymous blogger who snarkily tracked the trysts of SGA for two years.

THE ‘GOOD STUFF’

As in any movie, we have our redeeming elements. In September, we found a sports hero in former Husky Carlos Pena as he chased A-Rod’s home-run record. Starting in the fall, Northeastern makes a step toward inclusion by offering transgendered students the option of living with anyone, regardless of sex. And three years after a Ludacris Springfest was canceled because students rioted after the Patriots’ Super Bowl win, we finally got him.

But as students, we truly shone when we bucked the stereotype of student apathy and rallied behind those who needed us most. It was students, not administrators, who stood by those janitors in September. Last spring, it was students who rushed to the defense, through Facebook and forums, of professors like Susan Picillo, whose contracts were almost let go because they lacked master’s degrees.

ENDING

It’s a happy one. As a university, we continued to rise in rank. As a student body, we got smarter as admissions standards got tougher. We have our problems, to be sure, but right before the credits roll, your favorite Wilco tune softens the score, as you lounge lazily in the quad on a summer afternoon.

See you at the Oscars. Or, at least, The Razzies.

– Jeff Miranda is a columnist for The News.