By Emily Werchadlo
The times, they are a-changin’. No longer are women sitting on the sidelines when it comes to sports. We are in the game with the boys, or at least we are watching it on TV with them. For you women who have got sports down, more power to you, but this column is for you other girls. For the girls who don’t want to sit home alone this holiest of sports Sundays, the Super Bowl.
Now, I know a lot of you have been invited to Super Bowl parties. The problem? You don’t know a basketball from a football, or a Buccaneer from a Raider for that matter. Well, no fear ladies, here is the how-to column for every college woman who is fearing entering the trenches, or, less dramatically, the college man’s apartment. So here it is:
Step One: Familiarize yourself with the game. First step to that? Know who is playing. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Oakland Raiders. A-ha, sounds easy right? Not so fast. If you want to at all feel comfortable, you are going to need to know more than that. This girl’s suggestion? Pick up a paper or go online. The sports section of The Boston Globe is a good one to check out as there will be non-stop coverage of the game until this Sunday. Don’t want to spend the 50 cents? Go online to espn.com, or better yet, watch SportsCenter. Trust me, it’s fun, it might even get you into sports (OK, maybe not, but it’s worth a shot). Also, some pure logistics. Each team gets six points for a touchdown, one point for the field goal after the touchdown, three points for a regular field goal, and two points if they get the ball into the end zone after a touchdown. Each team gets four “downs” to get 10 yards, or they are forced to give the ball for the other team. It is much, much more complicated than that, but that’s a good start.
The point of all this? To save some face. You don’t want to be the girl everyone laughs at when you say something like “What’s a first down?”, “Which one of these teams does Tom Brady play for, he is soooo cute” or “Why do they get so angry, it’s just a game?” Try this instead, “The two teams playing this year are from warm regions, so I guess (because the Super Bowl is being played in San Diego), the weather shouldn’t affect the game, right guys?”
Step Two: Know the players. Big names? Warren Sapp (Tampa Bay). What to know? He’s a really big scary defensive tackle who always looks as if he’s hungry for blood. Another big name is Keyshawn Johnson (Tampa Bay). They will surely mention his name more than once, and you will see him catching the ball a lot because he is something called a wide receiver. (At this point I’d like to remind all the males reading this that, listen, you didn’t always know this either. You had to learn it at some point as well). Big names for Oakland: Rich Gannon. He is the quarterback for Oakland and he has had a great year, hence earning the MVP award for the NFL. The other biggie on Oakland? Jerry Rice, future Hall of Famer. He is also a wide receiver, and he has been in football a very, very long time. A good quote to spit out? “Isn’t Jerry Rice the all-time Super Bowl leader in receptions (28)?” Trust me.
Step Three: This is not the time to dress up and eat light. Super Bowl parties are notorious for sweatpants and spilled food. This just might be the one day of the year where the attention won’t be on the black miniskirt and red halter top you are shifting uncomfortably in because the guys will not give up their seat on the couch for you. Wear comfortable clothes and bring your appetite. There will be junk food galore. Eat up, remember, nobody is looking. How to score bonus points? Make something. Desserts (brownies, cookies) are preferable as guys will surely not make some themselves.
Step Four: Have fun. Always remember, no matter who has watched more games or knows more trivia, you have as much of a right to enjoy the game, even if you are oblivious. It takes time to learn a sport, maybe even longer to really enjoy it.
So kick back and relax and enjoy the game. And think about it — nothing else will be on TV anyway.
