The new year is quickly approaching, and once again ,another year has gone by in record time. It’s that time of the year when people begin to make empty promises to themselves. The time when students vow they’ll lose 50 pounds by spring break (which is the first week of March this year), all while stuffing creme filled twinkie snack cakes in their mouths.

It seems like we love to set unattainable goals for ourselves on or before Jan.1. According to momsmarket.com (don’t ask, I just did a Google search), the top three new year’s resolutions are: stop smoking, weight loss and better health. I’d have to agree with mama and the market on this one. Every year I meet a smoker who promises they will stop blackening their lungs, speeding up the tooth decay process, polluting the environment and blowing their hot breath on people. Yes, some who inhale cancer sticks may find this offensive and plain rude, but guess what, I don’t care. Maybe we should follow the article with: The opinions expressed in this article are those of Camila Crews, not The Northeastern News — ahh the joys of having a column.

Smoking,for some reason, is something plenty of college-aged and even high school kids indulge in. Don’t ask me why anyone would invest approximately $5 per day (the following scientific fact is based on a smoker who purchases one pack per day) which amounts to $1,825 per year, but hey, everyone has a different poison.

OK, so I’ll finally get to my point. Smokers are a whole new breed of people. They are the only people who will stand outside in any weather condition known to man, be it tornado, hurricane, blizzard or flood. They can be found outside in hoards huddled in corners getting as close to each other as possible to gather what little warmth they can in sub-zero weather conditions, all for the sake of getting in one last drag.

There is also another requirement that comes with smoking; you definitely have to be a social person. How else will you bum a smoke from someone? Who else can go up to a perfect stranger and ask them for something, without feeling indebted in anyway or even ashamed? I’ll tell you who a fellow smoker. I’ve seen my friend; we’ll call her Sheila for the sake of embarrassment, in action. My petite little friend already has an advantage. She’s cute, petite and has killer money green eyes, so she already gets attention. But, once she zeros in on her victim with those eyes, it’s all over. The conversation usually goes as follows:

Sheila: “Hey, so it’s pretty nice out, huh?”

Silly unsuspecting victim: “Yeah, pretty nice.”

Sheila: “So, are you in classes or co-op?”

Victim: “Co-op.”

Sheila: “Oh. Um do you have a cigarette?”

Victim: “N….”

Notice how the unsuspecting victim isn’t even able to get out the rest of his words before the little Oompa Loompa (she’s 4 feet 11 inches) walks away. She also has the tendency to saunter up to other unsuspecting men in bars and clubs and ask them for a cigarette. In the end, they usually comply with her demands when she asks.

What is it that attracts them like a bee to a flower’s nectar? Is it that weak little twinkle in their eye? Is it the stench that rises from their clothing and into the air? Or could it be that winning smile that is as yellow as the sunshine?

Everyday my boss comes into work with a new remedy of a way for him to get rid of this God forsaken addiction. One day it’s the patch, another, the magical chewing gum. However, nothing seems to be working. He blames this on the fact that after years of smoking it has simply become nothing more than a routine for him.

If there’s one thing I know for sure, it may be the fact that smokers are some of the toughest people I know. Hey, anyone who’s willing to do something knowing they can eventually wind up with cancer or have a hole in their throat with a feeding tube is OK in my book.

I think all smokers should be sent to war. Think about it, they’d have absolutely no problem in the sweltering Iraqi heat or roughing it in tough terrain. Why not, you ask? Well, they’d do it all for the sake of a cigarette in the flip of a switch, so why not do it for their country? Lord knows I don’t want to hear asthma as an excuse, because I guarantee you they’d light up in a second if it came between their health and a cigarette.

Sorry if I’ve offended anyone, actually no, I’m not.

-Camila Crews can be reached at [email protected]