There is perhaps no individual more revered than the professional athlete. No matter the sport, these people garner respect and popularity for their exploits. The power and influence of the professional athlete transcends both time and audiences.
Still, something is amiss with the concept of the term “sport.” To put it bluntly, a lot of cats that are being sweated really shouldn’t be sweated. When I watch some of these people do certain things, it amazes me that anyone could consider such acts skillful, nevermind viewing it as a sport.
In addition, there are those who do some fantastic things, but do not get the recognition or adulation that they deserve. Why? Because the feats accomplished in that area are not considered “sport.” It is phenomenal in some cases; people dedicate their entire lives to honing the craft, one that takes a great amount of skill to master, and the masses are incapable of applauding the accomplishments due to ignorance.
With that said, I present to you the greatest misconceptions of the term “sport.”
They say it is, I say it’s not…
Any Outdoor Activities: It’s great to be one with nature, and I understand that there’s a testosterone-driven satisfaction of being able to go out and get one’s meal. If game hunting is a sport, what makes it any different from laser tag? Or playing Nintendo’s Duck Hunt? The only difference is that an individual is using real weapons. Fly-fishing is great for father-son bonding, and even better for a high-protein, low fat meal. But if you’re gonna tell me trying to find Nemo in the Susquehanna River with a wire and a worm on the end is a sport, then I expect inner-city kids to walk the streets of Boston with oversized fishing vests and tackle boxes embossed with logos of all 29 NBA teams.
And no, I will not even start to discuss lumberjacking.
Curling: How this made it into the Olympics is beyond me. Maybe former Olympic Committee President Juan Antonio Samaranch was puffing on that good-good before letting this one slide into the Winter Games.
Auto Racing: NASCAR, NASCAR, NASCAR – where shall one begin? People hop in souped-up vehicles and drive them around in circles – wow. They make pit stops along the way and must strategically decide when to do so, as not to lose out on key positioning – sweet. Finally, if they are fortunate enough to make their push at the right time, then they capture the glory of the checkered flag – fantastic.
Auto racing is the most bogus of all supposed “sports.” If this is a sport, then that means speed racer was a sports cartoon, “Driven” (featuring Sylvester Stallone in all of his NASCAR glory) was a sports drama, and Jason Priestley is one of the rare individuals able to make the crossover from movie star to athlete. Heck, if it’s such a fine sport, then half of America engages in it on a daily basis when they speed on highways. Okay, I get it now – we’re all athletes! Great! Now all I need is a Pepsi sponsorship and a couple of ex-wives and I’m good to go!
Rodeo: On second thought, you’ll get no complaints from me here. Anyone crazy enough to hop onto the back of a bucking bronco can be considered whatever he (or she) wants.
They say it’s not, I say it is…
Billiards: It’s not so much that I think this is a sport, more than I think it shares certain similarities with golf (and golf is, without question, a sport). People dedicate their entire lives trying to master the trade, and the cerebral aspect of the game is matched by few, if any, activities.
Survivor-style reality TV shows: You’ve got to be a beast to succeed on these prime-time staples. More than any other field, this game requires superior mental focus in addition to a wealth physical endurance. Some episodes of Fear Factor can match up; other episodes of the Amazing Race cannot. Regardless, I have no desire to become the black, straight version of Richard Hatch anytime soon; cats just ain’t built like him.
Professional Wrestling: Before you break out into laughter, think closely about this one. Any arguments you have against it are easily refutable. Argue about how all the matches are set up; that’s fine, but boxing has been that way for years. The only difference is that powers such as the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) do not dispute the fact. Talk about the excessive soap opera element and the raunchy excess of sexual innuendo; the wrestlers bring no more drama than a Terrell Owens or Allen Iverson, and Stacy Kiebler is simply an example of what would happen if you miked a Laker girl for the duration of an entire NBA season. The competitors take bumps and bruises, train year-round in weight rooms and such, and must possess some semblance of athletic ability to be successful in the craft. Look no further than Ex-Miami Hurricane defensive lineman The Rock, ex-minor league catcher Randy Savage, or former University of Tennessee Center Kevin Nash. I could add former auto racer Bob Holly to that list, but I’m sure ya’ll can figure out why I won’t.
And there you have it. Granted, there are going to be those who disputed the notion that they ever were athletes (San Diego Padres reliever Rod Beck and former All-Star first baseman John Kruk), but those are aberrations. This system will separate the haves from the have-nots, and the glory hogs from the unsung heroes. The only lingering question now is where Samaranch got that supply of sticky-icky.
— Evans Erilus may be reached at [email protected].
