By Dinah Alobeid
Glen Hill decided to take a different road with life partner John Conti, and that road led to Canada.
Hill, the manager of information security for Information Services at Northeastern, married Conti in Toronto on Oct. 6, 2003. On Monday, he spoke about his experience as a member of a same-sex marriage at the President’s Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender (GLBT) Advisory Group panel, “Going to the Chapel,” a celebration of the one-year anniversary of gay marriage in Massachusetts.
About 25 people filled the room in Dodge Hall. The audience interacted with the panel through smiles of encouragement and laughter at the puns and jokes throughout the hour.
Hill, a member of the panel, told the story of how he and his life-partner met.
Hill and Conti were set up by a mutual friend at a birthday party and hit it off right away, he said. They have been living together for the past 17 years.
The idea of being counted as a married couple and being recognized by authority appealed to Hill.
“I wanted to be married and have that feeling on my wedding day of fulfillment. I wanted to be counted. We believe marriage is more of a civil act rather than a religious one,” he said. “I think togetherness doesn’t respect gender; it respects people who love and care for each other. It’s not about sex and it’s not about gender.”
The panel consisted of four members, three of which were affiliated with Northeastern. In addition to Hill, Carol Lyons, a former member of the President’s GLBT Advisory Group, Libby Adler, a professor at Northeastern’s School of Law, and Michele Granada, a representative from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), were also on the panel.
Prior to Lyons’ wedding to her life partner in the fall of 2004, she said she and her partner had never had a commitment ceremony. Initially, she said she didn’t want a big celebration because it would “seem to minimize our 23 years together.” Eventually, however, she said she warmed up to the idea.
“What the hell, we’ve been in the shadows for so long, we’re gonna have a big damn party,” Lyons said. They decided to have a religious ceremony and felt the day was a representation of their relationship and life together.
“I decided to get married because I wanted to make public the commitment we had already made to each other. There are practical outcomes that came from getting married, but that was not the main reason,” Lyons said.
Lyons described the joy she felt the first time she could say she was married.
“I remember the first time I got to check off the ‘married’ box at the doctor’s office. I felt so proud.”
Adler took a different approach with her life partner. She decided against marriage with her life partner of 13 years. The two are parents to a 1-year-old son.
“There are so many issues from a legal standpoint such as portability, adoption and the unromantic notion of divorce, that make me believe that same-sex marriage creates many problems for people in those marriages,” Adler said.
Same-sex marriages are not legally recognized in most places outside Massachusetts. If a gay couple moved to a different state and wanted a divorce, the state may not allow one since it doesn’t recognize the marriage as legal, Adler said.
The panel, conducted as a casual conversation, ended with a champagne toast in honor of the anniversary and a short reception.
Although the panel members said great strides have been made for gays and lesbians who wish to marry in Massachusetts, Lyons said there is a lot more to be done.
“If we do not go outside of Massachusetts, then yeah, our marriage is equal. But if we do anything outside of the state we aren’t recognized,” she said.
