By Christina Bivona, inside columnist
I’m convinced that my cable company is out to ruin my life, or at least drain my piggy bank of whatever pennies I have saved up for spring break. They’re the absolute worst, and if I never have to talk to them – or rather, stay on hold for 25 minutes – again, my life will be a much happier place.
If calling them once to fix a problem isn’t enough, try having to do it three separate times, for the same problem, with someone on the other line who clearly has no idea what I’m talking about or how to do their job, always assuring me with a kind voice that the next person they transfer me to will know how to fix the problem.
What’s the best part of all of this, you ask? I’m only paying for the absolute minimum subscription. That’s right, somehow this girl is living her day-to-day life without her basic needs of HGTV, “Homeland” and, oh I don’t know – THE NEWS. I keep going through the cruel pain of cable company phone-tag only to watch the Food Network and “Sex and the City.” Precious hours of my life: wasted, when I could be doing more important things like studying for tests or doing the countless amounts of homework I have. Was it worth it? No, of course not, because based on my luck, I’ll probably have to call again.
In the end, I’m pretty sure there will be a special place in hell for cable company workers, and it’s right next to the meter maids that gave me 250 dollars worth of parking tickets last summer. So, in celebration of finally making the call, I came up with a list of things I would have rather done, because there’s nothing I love more than making lists of things I hate.
1. Taken my statistics midterm over four more times. Let’s be honest, once was clearly not enough, especially after those three days of studying in Snell Library and the grade I got that obliterated my GPA… so this probably would have been beneficial for me.
2. Spent a night in a room with everyone I’ve ever dated. Wait, this has pretty much already happened to me. If you like the feeling of tiny invisible knives stabbing you and a constant time clock ticking for the moment one of you leave, you’re golden.
3. Had a cast on my foot for a month. This doesn’t necessarily need to be a bad thing, especially if it’s a pink cast. And think about how much faster those kids on the roller scooters get to class. I’m almost envious of them. You’d be less likely to get a classroom door slammed in your face and you would always have an excuse to take the elevator.
4. Taken a Plyos and Conditioning group fitness class. I’m pretty sure this was one of the times I was closest to death. As I was doing a wall sit for 30 seconds, waiting in line to be the next to do squat jumps and lunges across the room, I saw the light.
5. Eaten a 2-week-old yogurt cup from my fridge.
6. Listened to Thrift Shop on repeat for 24 hours. (I can only imagine this would drive a person to insanity.)
7. Walked around all day in clothes two sizes too small. This would be a personal hell. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people wear clothes that are way too small for them. #wishingformorefabric.
8. Touched every bathroom handle without being able to wash my hands. Ew.
9. Watched reruns of any CBS comedy. I try to avoid this one at all costs. “2 Broke Girls?” I’ve never actually watched it, but I’m sure it’s about two girls who are having trouble paying their cable bill.
Photo courtesy Bjoertvedt, creative commons
