Almost everyone living in the metropolitan area is probably aware, the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (MBTA) has recently instituted some changes to the way things are run. Many people are questioning these actions (I know I did), not quite able to figure out how they did it. How did they know? It was like they were reading my mind!
Now, at first I thought it was just coincidence when they decided to slow down the E line. “No way,” I thought. They couldn’t have possibly known what I was thinking. But then they took the motion to raise the T prices, I knew it couldn’t just be coincidence. It was destiny. Let us now take a look at the noble actions taken by Boston’s transportation system.
This week’s “All Hail” will honor the righteousness, integrity and, most of all, the overall astuteness the MBTA has demonstrated in serving the community.
When I first moved to Boston, I found myself bedraggled by the city’s transportation. I was puzzled by the notion that dollar bills were not considered legal tender, much less the dignified coin we all know so well, the penny. I could not fathom the true inefficiency of the system. I cannot count how many times I would be sitting on a cold metal bench, waiting for an E train, thinking to myself, “Self, this whole system is ludicrous! The problem here is clear as day! The E train runs by just too often, and it achieves its destination all too suddenly. The obvious solution is to slow it down. Any every-day simpleton could see that.”
Then I would sit for another half hour, proudly pondering the far-reaching benefits that would be sure to result from such an endeavor. Just months later, my dreams and wishes would be granted in actuality.
It was announced that the E train would be slowed, which meant it would be running by less often.
“Bully!” I thought. “Finally some sense in this senseless world!”
When this was first announced, I must admit, I was rattled by the idea that Massachusetts government had somehow tapped into my ever-flowing rivers of unsurpassable intelligence. But I quickly denounced the notion as nothing more than coincidence. I had never experienced a local government taking actions for the benefit of the city’s residents, and I wasn’t about to believe in it now.
Despite my doubts in the system, all seemed to be running smoothly. I found myself beaming in the cold, as I counted four D trains, five C trains and six B trains for every E train. Life couldn’t have been better. Millions rejoiced, shuffling their frozen feet and enthusiastically rubbing their hands together in celebration. Cries of pure delight echoed from Northeastern, Park Street, Copley and all T stations touched by this move for the people. But, when the cheer died down, it became apparent that something was still not right, but what could it be?
I racked my brain over the question for weeks, sometimes staying up nights, missing sleep. Sometimes, forgetting to eat. The problem just would not give way to a solution. But, one day, the solution came to me. While boarding an E train, I fished from my pocket an illegal one dollar bill with which I could reserve myself a place between the fat businessman’s musky armpit and the old woman’s welcoming bosom. “Eureka!” I thought. “How could this have escaped me for so long?”
Reader, you will surely erupt into a fit of hysterical laughter when you recognize the true simplicity of the solution. I smiled, hugged by the bosom of the old woman, while the solution pattered about inside my head. “It all makes sense now,” I muttered into the armpit, words muffled by the dampness. “I am not spending enough money to ride the T! It’s all so clear to me now!” It was obvious that instituting a price increase would fill the emptiness we Bostonians have been feeling since day one. And, sure enough, the price increase came.
I have to say, this time I was a little bit shaken. Could they be reading my thoughts? Could they know what I’ve been praying for night after night? But it soon occurred to me that I was in a new sort of world. This new world, the world of the city of Boston, functions solely for the benefit of its citizens, and the leaders of this new world pay close attention to the needs and desires of said citizens.
Thankfully, now a fanciful adventure downtown and back costs a person not $2 but $2.50 (and this person is not expected to foolishly carry a one dollar bill and a quarter, but five shiny quarters) to reserve that place between the fat businessman’s armpit and the old woman’s welcoming bosom. To get back to school, a Northeastern student no longer must wait a grueling fifteen minutes for a train; now the student may take a full half hour to reflect upon his own life until he may venture back home.
As a traveler and a Northeastern University student, I cannot commend enough the valiant efforts taken by the MBTA to benefit me, the citizen. So here’s to Boston’s transportation system! Let us raise our hands in praise! Let us raise our voices and rejoice! All hail the MBTA!
— Sarah Levine is a freshman psychology major.
