One of the most disturbing current sports trends began 30 years ago with a man, a giant chicken suit and a dream (ok, so it was a radio promotion, but for the sake of the story, it might as well have been a dream.)
It was almost as if, in March 1974, one of those giant cartoon light bulbs went off in the heads of thumb-twiddling, noodle-scratching execs everywhere when the San Diego Padres made a guy in a big chicken getup (Ted Giannoulas) their mascot.
Hey, wait a minute, a mascot needn’t have anything to do with our nickname!!
It was that March when KGB radio hired Giannoulas, a local college kid, to run around in the chicken getup at the San Diego Zoo. Later, he hooked on with the Padres, and has since become the most recognized and famous mascot in sports history.
Since that moment, the world of sports has crumbled ever so out of control. Case in point: while watching the Ottawa Senators take on the Toronto Maple Leafs the other night, I was treated to a view of the Ottawa mascot, a tall red-dreadlocked lion-sort-of-thing jumping all over the Toronto mascot, a big, fat polar bear. Apparently, politicians up north are a bit different from local bigwigs (or are they?).
Nowhere is the discrepancy more apparent than in Major League Baseball. Of the 23 teams in the bigs that currently employ a mascot, 12 have nothing to do with the teams they represent (and that’s not to mention the three that are more questionable than Clay Aiken).
Being the fantastic reporter that I am, I hit the phones to see if I could get to the bottom of the mascot mix-up. After calling all 12 teams with mascot issues, I emerged with eight voicemails and four actual answers:
Oakland Athletics
Mascot: Thumper the Elephant
Me: What is an ‘Athletic’?
Heather, media relations: Oh, actually, our mascot is Thumper the Elephant …
Me: I know, but do you know what an Athletic is?
Click.
Minnesota Twins
Mascot: TC the Bear
Me: You’re the Twins. Why, then, is your mascot a bear?
Ana, intern: (Unitelligible mumble)
San Francisco Giants
Mascot: Lou Seal
Me: So, you’re the Giants. What’s with the seal?
Bryan Srabian, media relations: When we developed our concept, in ’97 or ’98, people remembered the first baseball team in San Francisco, the Seals of the Independent League. Seal Stadium in the ’40s and ’50s still has a connection to this community. Plus, we thought it’d be fun since we’re on the bay.
Houston Astros
Mascot: Junction Jack (a rabbit train conductor)
Me: Your mascot, it’s a rabbit?
Leah Tobin, media relations: Yes, it goes back to … we have a train station, Union Station, that runs right through the park …
Me: Why not, say, an Astro? Or something along those lines?
Leah: That’s just what we decided, I didn’t pick.
In addition, a ticket salesman from the Milwaukee Brewers tried (unsuccessfully) to convince me that “Bernie Brewer,” some blonde guy creation, is not modeled after Brewer great Robin Yount (a legend in Beer Maker country).
The point is, this is stupid. All of them, all these fuzzy, huggy baseball figures that help deepen the pockets of baseball execs everywhere are sickening. Wanna raise funds? Forget improving on-field quality. Rather, simply concoct some sort of plush doll for yuppie parents with yuppie kids and watch them slap down the dough.
Or, an even sadder reason for the baseless mascots, is the fact that teams like the Montreal Expos need their overweight, orange excuse for a symbol to compete with teams from bigger markets. Think it’s a coincidence that teams from New York (Mets not withstanding), Chicago and Los Angeles don’t need to parade around a silly stuffed creation in order to keep a team on the field? Nah. Now, if you can tell me with a straight face that Major League Baseball doesn’t need revenue sharing and a salary cap, I’ll let you write the next installment of this column.
While we’re at it, actually, why don’t we say hello to Bazooka Joe, the next mascot of the Northeastern Huskies.
— Jack Weiland may be reached at [email protected] . He can be heard every Wednesday from 12-1 p.m. on WRBB’s 104.9 FM’s “Newstime.”
