You’d think with all their palm pilots and digital cable, humans would be far removed from their animal counterparts. However, when it comes to dating or courtship rituals, even the most bizarre animal behavior correlates to the great lengths humans will go to while trying to woo the opposite sex.
Many birds, for example, display brilliantly-colored feathers to attract their mates. No other species boasts the same plumage as the parrot, where both sexes feature the fluorescent feathers that garner them the attention of possible suitors. Now, obviously, humans don’t have feathers, but their external appearance certainly plays a role in their search for companionship.
While they may not spend their time preening their feathers and absorbing ultraviolet light to make them glow like the parrots do, male humans will take the time to don their finest French Connection shirt and Diesel jeans before heading out to the club. Female humans aren’t any better, sporting plunging necklines, low-rise pants and thongs that make their booties go clap.
These parallels go beyond just clothing. Anyone who’s been packed onto the dance floor at any night club can attest to the smell of Victoria Secret’s “Lovespell” perfume and Axe body spray that fills the room. Humans are notorious for covering themselves with Lady Speed Stick and Old Spice in hopes of attracting the attention of a possible mate.
Similarly, the elephant uses urine and a special pheromone detection gland in the back of its mouth to get aroused. While elephant urine may not smell as pleasing to humans as “Lovespell,” I still believe it smells better than Axe body spray.
Not a clubber? Perhaps you prefer an acoustic performance by a boy in a hoodie and messy-on-purpose hair to the sweaty bump and grind of the dance floor. Well, fin whales enjoy being serenaded too. The males of the species sing out in hopes of attracting nearby females, thus creating the marine mammal equivalent of the cute “boy with guitar.”
But that’s not the only example of the popularity of the “emo” boys in nature. The females of the now-extinct Moa bird, a relative of the ostrich and emu, used to prefer smaller males. Extinct for over 500 years, the Moa saw the potential of the skinny guy in argyle and black-rimmed glasses, paving the way for “OC” character Seth Cohens everywhere.
Maybe it’s not the demure, bookish fellow that piques your interest. If so, you’re not alone. Female lobsters wait their turn to copulate with the alpha male of the community. The male establishes his dominance by seeking out other male lobsters and beating them up. Though human males sometimes act similarly, engaging in physical combat with one another to compete for females, they sometimes display their masculinity by doing other things. Flipping cars, for example.
Just like in our society, in the animal world, it’s not always love ’em and leave ’em. In fact, some animals go to great lengths to pass on their genetics. Some male honeybees will explode while mating with the queen, leaving pieces of their genitals inside her so she can’t reproduce with another male. Humans just settle for a wedding ring.
Sometimes, settling down in a home with a family just isn’t enough. Female green spoon worms swallow their significantly smaller, male counterparts who in turn live in their bodies and fertilize their eggs. The ritual gives new meaning to the phrase “moving in together.”
The human world of sex and dating is indeed complicated, but by no means is it a new development. Humans have distanced themselves from nature so much that they have forgotten that they too are “animals.” No matter how many rules are devised, how many books are written or how much advice is given out by talk show hosts, humans cannot escape the primal nature of sex. Truly, when it comes to getting it on, we really “ain’t nothing but mammals.”
– Contributed by a member of the Staff
