Tom Brady hates me. I’m convinced of it.
And that’s fine, really, because I’m one of the three people that know how truly mediocre (and obnoxious) he is. That is: myself, Patriots coach Bill Belichick and Tom Brady.
How do I know he hates me? Well, for starters, he just won’t leave me alone. A few examples of this:
*Two weeks ago I opened my Sports Illustrated and what was the first thing I saw? Tom Brady making a sassy, pouty face in an ad for the Gap. A football player? In a Gap ad?
*He has appeared at a State of the Union address and served as a judge on the Miss USA pageant. What’s next, “The View?”
*Our former editor-in-chief, Heather Allen, had numerous pictures of the dimpled dud hanging around the office.
*There is a Tom Brady song on the Internet, which contains the following verse: “Well, he can call any play/On any given Sunday, oh what a blessing/They can leave him on his own/Knowing he’s OK alone/Faking out defensemen/Tom Brady/Down, set, hike, Tom Brady/Not Peter Brady/Watch out, Delhomme”
*www.absolutebrady.com
*In a season-opening win over Indianapolis, after a heated argument at work over Brady’s merit, the quarterback hit David Patten on a 25-yard touchdown. Despite the lack of a defender anywhere near Patten, my boss exclaimed, “There’s a nice pass,” which is rather typical. Some other guy does all the work, the entire secondary falls down and Tom Brady gets all the credit.
*During the same Indianapolis game, announcer John Madden claimed that not only was Brady not overrated, he is in fact UNDERRATED!
*This month Brady graced the cover of Men’s Journal and made People magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People issue.
*Last week, while picking up my car from the mechanic, the lug head said “Boy, did you see the Pats game last night? That Tom Brady is something, huh? I mean, he is for real.”
*And these examples say nothing of the constant barrage of television, Internet and newsprint stories hailing the righty as one of the league’s premier quarterbacks and possibly, POSSIBLY, the best of all time.
This leads me to my next point. Nothing is more annoying than people who overestimate Brady’s worth.
Last week, Troy Aikman assessed Brady by saying winning is the most important statistic for a quarterback. With two Super Bowl titles in four seasons, that would make Brady one of the best in NFL history.
Too bad it’s not true. Although I can see why Aikman, a 12-year QB with only one season with 20 or more touchdowns, would say that, I disagree.
There are 52 players on an NFL roster. The quarterback, an offensive player, competes on half the plays of any given game. And, on half of those snaps, he simply turns around and hands the ball to the running back. So a quarterback, who plays a part in merely a quarter of the game, is now judged solely on the 52-player team’s success?
Take the 1984 Miami Dolphins and legendary passer Dan Marino, for instance. That season, Marino threw for an astounding 5,084 yards and 48 touchdowns while posting a quarterback rating of 108.9. His team, however, lost in the Super Bowl to the San Francisco 49ers, 38-16. What more should Marino have done? Thrown for 6,000 yards? Connected on 60 touchdowns? Scored 60 points in the title game?
The Dolphins defense could not stop another legendary quarterback, Joe Montana, or running back Roger Craig. Does this fall on the shoulders of the quarterback? More importantly, if Marino threw for 145 yards and one touchdown, but key defensive plays gave his team a chance to win (ahem, Brady in Super Bowl XXXVI), should Marino get the credit?
Of course not. Yet, he does. And he throws it in my face every chance he gets with that cheesy, nervous smile of his.
Tom Brady is a quality passer, yet an average one. Consider last season’s statistics, in which he was 10th among starting quarterbacks in passer rating and 12th in completion percentage. His highest ranking, passing yards, had him as the sixth-best hurler in the league — hardly the stuff of legends.
So, enjoy Brady for what he is: a tiny piece of an intricate, lethal football puzzle orchestrated by one of the best football minds of our time, Bill Belichick (who just doesn’t care if Brady is overrated, because they still win).
And please, PLEASE give it a rest with the songs and scary fan sites.
I’m begging you.
— Jack Weiland can be reached at [email protected].
