Over the course of this semester, something strange and completely lame has happened to almost all of my girlfriends: They’ve all found boyfriends.
As of right now, four of my closest friends are in a “relationship” of some kind that they weren’t in two or three months ago. Not only is this super boring because 90 percent of our conversations now revolve around their sparkly new significant others and the adorable way they do X, Y and Z, but because overnight, their priorities seemed to do a complete 180.
On the weekends, instead of getting dolled up to drunkenly bat our eyes at bro-y State Street-dwelling 30-somethings to try to score free drinks, my friends are now always busy drinking milkshakes with two straws, compiling mix tapes and writing their partner’s initials in hearts on a dozen marble notebooks (at least that’s what I imagine people in relationships spend their time doing).
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not even remotely jealous of my friends’ puppy-eyed new love; in fact, I’m quite happy for them. But the thought of it for myself makes me feel somewhat … how to put this delicately … vomit-y.
I’m from the camp that believes not everyone is meant to be monogamous forever, at least not long-term. I don’t mean that in the way that I’m into polygamy and multiple partners and all that stuff that TLC would die to make shows about, but just that being in a serious relationship, at least at this age, isn’t everyone’s ideal.
Personally, I’d rather focus on conquering the world of journalism and then maybe settle down with some cool dude and a bunch of cool animals in a cool house. Maybe it’ll magically work out – and maybe it won’t. But I don’t think that not being capable of being with someone forever should be considered a flaw on anyone’s part.
But for some reason, so many people I know who have a boyfriend or girlfriend are extremely uppity about it, like being in a relationship makes them high society and I’m just a serf or a peasant or something. … Is it obvious I didn’t really pay attention in history?
There’s nothing worse than couples who think they’re better than other people for being together. I hate that sense I get from those attached-at-the-hip partners who tweet at each other all day and talk in secret code only they know (so cool, guys!) – that sense that I’m not truly living because I spend my nights watching “America’s Next Top Model” in my underwear while eating mac and cheese instead of listening to my boyfriend wax on about the true art that is O.A.R.
Trust me, no one is itching at the seams with jealousy that your relationship is so excellent you two are now comfortable enough with each other to pick at your toe jam and pop each other’s pimples. I can do that in my own bed and Tyra Banks sure isn’t going to judge me for it.
Not to beat a dead horse, but your PDA is gross, and no one thinks it’s sexy or cute. Roll that tongue back into your mouth and save everyone around you from gagging.
Of course, single people can be just as obnoxious. I’ve spent many an inebriated night listening to friends drone on about how they’re going to be alone forever. Like clockwork, every Saturday night one of my old friends used to always say, “It’s OK, Rachel, I’m just going to get a Golden Retriever. I’ll die alone. It’s fine.”
At this point in my column, I feel like some people might be thinking that I’m just overcompensating for being forever single in my slow tumble into spinsterhood. But the truth is, I’m not alone at all. I’m constantly meeting new people and I actually date quite a bit.
I’d like to think my dating style trumps many Northeastern girls’ preference of going the “town bicycle” route, but since I got to college my life has been somewhat of a revolving door of guys. It’s usually fun, but let’s just say they’re not all keepers.
But even if they were “keepers,” I wouldn’t really want to keep them. I have no interest in compromising on what to do and watch and eat and talk about. Maybe that’s selfish, but I’m totally happy being a one-girl wolf pack – it’s fun to have them in my life for a little while, and then once we’ve parted, I rarely miss them.
I don’t mean to come off as bitter, or cynical. I’m just over people feeling sad for me for not wanting to be in a relationship, when being single can actually be really awesome and fun.
Whatever. I like taking up my entire queen-sized bed.
– Rachel Zarrell can be reached at [email protected].
