Column: T Time

January 23, 2013

This week, thanks to the Boston blog Universal Hub, I stumbled upon the MBTA Transit Police blog’s Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) section. It started last week with a post titled “Marijuana-FAQ.” Whoever writes this stuff should be given their own personal blog. Who knew the police could be funny (but it’s not THAT surprising, since they work on the T; you HAVE to have a sense of humor to do that). For example, in the “FAQ-Assaults, Body Odor, Alcohol…” post, a T rider asks why the police never responded when she complained of a person with sub-par hygiene sitting next to her on the train.

“Their body odor was so unpalatable, it was an assault on my nostrils,” the rider wrote.

The MBTA responded just as eloquently: “As a general rule, we encourage good personal hygiene habits be practiced by all. However after extensive research we were unable to locate any laws in Massachusetts which compels a person to have the pleasant aroma of rose pedals [sic] and lilacs billowing about their body before they can utilize a public conveyance on the MBTA.”

I can understand how riding the T every single day might lead to anger, depression or simply frustration. I avoid taking the T at all costs, preferring to walk in the frigid cold than wait on a frigid platform. At least I’m getting somewhere. Also, the T is inconsistent and there’s no real way to decipher when those green trolley cars are going to come barreling down the tracks. This past weekend, for example, the Green Line shut down in the middle of the day. How is that possible? I’m from New York City, and back home they have these great little digital boards that say when the next train is coming down to the minute. The Orange, Red and Blue lines have these. The Green Line is expected to get some in 2015, so until then I guess we can rely on someone to sit in a crow’s nest-type apparatus to alert us when they spot a train car from a few blocks down. Anyone could probably get supplies for that on the cheap at Home Depot, but this would only work for street-level tracks.

Also, is there any way we can add an extra car to the standard one or two? Getting on the Green Line during rush hour is always like entering the sixth circle of hell. People pressed back-to-back all in each other’s business, listening to each other’s conversations, basically holding each other’s hands. I can understand why the people asking the transit police these questions sound so off-kilter. Just thinking about the T makes me start to lose it.

Another gem was in response to an individual asking why they would be arrested for smoking “a little weed” on the T when they have a warrant out for his or her arrest. The MBTA Transit Police responded: “If you have a warrant out for your arrest and DO NOT want to go to jail you should (a) not utilize the MBTA, if you ignore this suggestion (b) when entering our stations and buses pay your fare (c) do not roll a joint, pack a bong or any other means of inhaling cannabis while on the T.”

Thanks for the tips.

To check it out for yourself, go to tpdnews411.com.

-Lana Lagomarsini can be reached at [email protected].