By Angelica Recierdo, News Staff
First impressions are the road map to where different types of relationships branch off. Rewind to the day (or night? That says a lot, too) you first met and ask yourself these questions: Did you exchange a proper handshake? Or was your butt grinding on him the initial greeting? Were you wearing an outfit you would wear to class? Or was it a barely-there Halloween costume? Did you engage in any conversation? Or did bedroom eyes do most of the talking? There are two factors that distinguish between a one-night stand, a friends-with-benefits situation, dating and a full-blown committed relationship: the amount of effort invested in getting to know a person and how much calculated self-control is used during instances where sex could arise.
If the first time he sets eyes on you is in a dingy club and you’re sporting fake eyelashes and a skirt with barely enough fabric for a tissue then it’s almost a done – you’ll be seeing the inside of a bedroom rather than the inside of a restaurant for a date. One night stands are predictable and could be timed better than the next arriving T. It’s all very primal, really. A hand to a thigh, a mouth to an ear. Whispers exchanged, cabs hailed. There’s barely a name and phone number to document the event, so really there’s just the memory of instant gratification. Just as quickly as you left to go home with him, he’ll be on his way out of your life.
The next type of relationship could either be the best contract agreement you’ve ever made or the ultimate source of heartache: the friend with benefits. Some telltale signs of this enigma are: communicating primarily via text, hanging out only when the couch or bed is free and usually being kept secret. The extent of what you know about him is basic: his hometown, what kind of condoms he likes and movies he prefers to watch post-coitus. He’ll probably know what perfume you wear, your bra size and the position you curl up into when you fall asleep. Anything more than this, however, and it’s uncharted territory of the heart. Relationships like these warrant both parties to proceed with caution, treading lightly with each other’s feelings and expectations. The whole set-up is awkward and trying to imitate something it’s not, like kissing goodbye moments after you were just spread out over his kitchen counter.
Onto a more mature attempt at social interaction: dating. First, what qualifies a date? You have to know you’re on one, to start. It involves thoughtful planning, manners, talking about life goals, etc. It’s a more romantic version of an interview. There’s a lot of waiting that comes along with dating: waiting for the call, waiting for the first kiss, waiting to sleep over. The knowledge you learn about them is more revealing and gives you clues about their character. Put your rose-colored glasses on because this is the time when his lack of priority in life is dubbed “adventurous” or his weird collection of whatever is “unique.” The more varied the activities you do with the person, the more data you collect on whether they are relationship material. This is the phase of relationships that Ariana Grande sings about in “Honeymoon Avenue.”
And then comes the disclaimer alert on being in a serious relationship. Intimacy is really just watching Netflix comfortably in silence. You’ve met each other’s families, seen each other cry. The chemistry is still always there, but in a muted and assured way. You know everything there is to know about him, like the exact degree of spiciness he prefers his Thai food and his laundry technique. The difference between this and that newer couple feeling is knowing that his hand will still be there to hold if you let go for five minutes or five months. A couple of words that pop into mind about relationships: comfort, openness, sharing, journey. You know you’re in one when saying the L-word no longer causes either party grief.
No matter the phase you’re involved with a person romantically or sexually, miscommunication is at the root of all confusion and heartache. Advocate for open discussion, defined limits and mutual desires. Engrain this mantra into your love life and, as corny as it sounds, find the guy that will ruin your lipstick and not your mascara.
-Angelica Recierdo can be reached at [email protected].
