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Review: “Jupiter Ascending” is a beautiful bore

Review: “Jupiter Ascending” is a beautiful bore

By Isaac Feldberg, news correspondent

No one makes science fiction quite like Lana and Andy Wachowski. From “The Matrix” to “Speed Racer” and “Cloud Atlas,” the daredevil duo has built its career on stunningly risky films that no one else in Hollywood would ever have the courage to tackle.

The directors’ latest, “Jupiter Ascending,” is no different. Best described as an operatic, space-set fairy tale, it’s a messy, mesmerizing and utterly maddening venture. It is so narratively tangled, but visually overpowering, that one desperately wants to overlook all its deficiencies in order to soak it all up.

After all, this is a film in which Channing Tatum (“Magic Mike”) plays a shirt-averse wolf-human hybrid with gravity boots. “Jupiter Ascending” aims to entertain, not enlighten. And yet, for every dollar of its $175 million budget, the film falls stunningly short.

The issue is with its narrative. It is too chaotic and clichéd to pick up any momentum. Without a solid story in place, the film overwhelms where it should entertain. It’s like a giant tub of cinematic cotton candy, tasty to consume but deplorably light on substance.

This problem is never clearer than when the Wachowskis introduce their title character: Jupiter Jones. Jones, played by a woefully miscast Mila Kunis (‘That ‘70s Show”) is a janitor destined for better things than cleaning toilets.

Jupiter’s world is rocked when genetically-engineered bounty hunter Caine (Tatum) reveals that her DNA is identical to that of a deceased, intergalactic royal. In a bonkers, sci-fi spin on “Cinderella,” this genetic signature marks Jupiter as the heir to Earth – a fact that doesn’t sit well with the royal’s greedy, ruthless offspring and an inexplicably hoarse Balem (Eddie Redmayne).

With life on the line, Jupiter sets out to claim her destiny – though the directors ensure that she’s actually more of a damsel in distress, never claiming much of anything without Caine’s help. There’s a potentially fatal drinking game to be had with how many times the character falls helplessly through the air toward death.

The Wachowskis almost certainly set out to make Jupiter a strong, independent heroine,  which makes it even more frustratingly regressive that most of time she is either being kidnapped or making moon-eyes at her muscle-bound protector.

Visually, the Wachowskis are in the top tier of modern cinema, using cutting-edge special effects to create a one-of-a-kind stylistic visual language that sets them apart from every other blockbuster out there. But what really puts the Wachowskis in a league of their own is the sweeping, shoot-for-the-stars ambition that their films possess.

In the Wachowskis’ technically capable hands, “Jupiter Ascending” is an absolutely tremendous feast for the eyes, peppered with more colorful, dynamic battle sequences and gorgeous CGI creations than any film since “Avatar.”

“Jupiter Ascending” tries to be all things to all people – an action-packed space opera, a critique on the evils of capitalism and a star-crossed romance – but it disappoints on most fronts. Besides the heart-stopping visuals, nothing works. It doesn’t help that the movie feels mutilated, as if the scenes were cut short and subplots tightened down to mere blips.

The biggest letdown, though, comes from the filmmakers themselves. After the bold, speculative flight of imagination that was “Cloud Atlas,” something as narratively and philosophically banal as “Jupiter Ascending” is a major step backward.

For all its absorbing set designs and over-stimulating popcorn moments, the film plays it both safe and dumb. The Wachowskis gave us “The Matrix,” one of the most groundbreaking and entertaining sci-fi films of the 2000s, they can do so much better than this beautiful bore.

Photo courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

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