“Welcome to the real world,” uttered Morpheus to a groggy Neo. The “real world” in “The Matrix” can be explained by seven people, because that movie is about as realistic as the new season of MTV’s “Real World.”

Sex sells, it makes for good television, blah, blah, blah. You know the whole spiel. Here’s a little advice for the misguided producers of the show: keep it real! Lately, the reality series has become about as realistic as Trishelle is innocent. MTV is blowing a fantastic opportunity for a great show in the city of lights; Las Vegas, Nevada.

The first thing that debunks the title of the show is the beautiful cast. How about that Jacuzzi scene where everyone’s bony figures were popping out of their trendy bathing suits? For a second, I didn’t know if I was watching the “Real World” or “Survivor.” Is everyone so good looking and in shape in the real world? I tend to think not. How about their “jobs” on the show? Are you telling me they get paid for throwing parties and having fun in clubs? I’d like to propose a co-op please.

I thought of a couple suggestions that might have made this season of the “Real World” a little bit more entertaining and fun to watch. Feel free to clear your mind and listen.

First, I have to echo ESPN Page 2 columnist Bill Simmons when he requested to have a gambling addict on the show. To me, this would be an extremely entertaining premise, a gambler on a Las Vegas reality show. Just imagine the cast member throwing away his or her weekly paycheck at the blackjack table. It’s too much to ask, I know. God forbid they threw in some real life scenarios on this show.

My next idea is to have a fat member on the Vegas cast. That way, people won’t get discouraged by looking at all the perfect bodies on the screen all the time. I mean, this person would only have to be borderline hefty. I just want to see some all-you-can-eat buffet shots, then later on in the episode watch the members try and sound concerned. It’s real, it’s comedy, and it’s entertaining. MTV doesn’t know what slightly overweight people look like; they might have a heart attack. Again, too much to ask.

I’m all for the drinking and sex on the show, there’s nothing wrong with that. More power to Trishelle and Steve. However, it loses its flavor to see this plot every week as the centerpiece of the show. I could understandably record the show and watch that one taped show every Tuesday night. I wouldn’t miss a thing.

I know the season is still early and there are probably many problems and hidden pasts that have yet to be revealed. Hopefully, we viewers will get a nice platter of fights, hook-ups, drunk talk, crying, maybe even someone bolting from the show in a fit of rage. It makes the show more interesting to watch, when different things are happening to different cast members. I could care less what their problems are, but that’s what draws me to the TV every week.

I guess I just ask for too much. MTV was one of the first networks to have a reality based television show. The first few were good, and a couple scattered ones were good. Those shows had real diversity and real arguments. They were fun to watch.

Maybe one day a cloak-laden Morpheus will show up and display his martial arts repertoire on the hard bodied guys in the place and whip them into proverbial shape. That way, we could possibly have two fakes making one real. Until that happens, I’ll keep watching the “Real World,” patiently waiting for “The Osbournes” to start.