I am writing this commentary to warn Northeastern students about a recent scam that has come to my attention. It’s called McDonalds’ new Southwestern Style Chicken Sandwich, and it is an abomination.
I came across an advertisement for this so-called “sandwich” one day while watching television. Being a fan of both chicken and sandwiches, my interest was peaked to say the least. My mouth began to water as I hungrily imagined what exotic sauces and spices would combine to make up this special delight. Chipotle mayo? Bacon ranch dressing? The possibilities were endless.
I eagerly returned to reality as the commercial reached its climax: “McDonald’s new Southwestern Style Chicken sandwich, seasoned chicken and fresh pickles all on a warm bun,” it said. My heart stood still and my jaw dropped. It was as if Ronald McDonald had personally come to my house and slapped me across the face.
‘Is this a joke?’ I thought. Maybe it’s some kind of advertising error. Surely no respectable dining establishment would advertise a sandwich that has only pickles as a main ingredient.
After an intense fact finding mission (Google search: “Southwestern Style Chicken sandwich”) I came to understand that this was no mistake. McDonald’s executives had actually green-lighted this “sandwich.”
My friends, you may be asking yourselves what the big deal is. It’s just a sandwich, why get so upset? If this is your attitude, I would suggest putting down this commentary right now and going back to curling up in the warm lap of corporate America.
Even the simplest dollar burger has more than double the ingredients of this so-called “sandwich.” While there are countless things wrong with this scheme, in the interest of saving time I will summarize the top two reasons to hate this “sandwich.”
Despite its name, there is nothing inherently “Southwestern” about this item. Chickens are not indigenous to the Southwest, and although I’m not a botanist, I’m fairly sure pickles don’t grow there either. The only thing this “sandwich” and the Southwest have in common is the fact that both are barren and devoid of vegetation.
Not only is this “sandwich” the epitome of minimalism, the advertisements would try to have you believe it’s a good thing. I pray this form of advertising doesn’t catch on for other products. Can you imagine flipping through the channels only to come across an ad for the new “Ford F1000, featuring a working engine and seats.”
Consider this: What if you don’t like pickles? What are you paying for?
As I draw this commentary to a close, I would like you to remember this, Northeastern populous. You are better than this. You work hard and you deserve a sandwich with at least three ingredients and a sauce. We must stop this trend before it worsens. Today it may be just this “sandwich,” but what about tomorrow? Or the next day? How long until McDonald’s unleashes their new “Pacific Northwest Onion and Buns sandwich,” or their “New England Style English Muffin McBiscuit?”
For our sake and the sake of our children we must not be afraid to stand in the wake of this scandal and shout aloud: “McDonald’s, you might not use the healthiest parts of animals, and you may pump your meats full of steroids and chemicals, but as long as I am eating them you will provide me with more than just a pickle to distract me from these health hazards.” We demand flavor.
So I ask you, Northeastern, do not take part in this shameful ploy. Rather, join me in boycotting this monstrosity, and helping to secure a tastier future for us all.
– Skylar Shankman is a sophomore photography major.
