In an attempt to kill a little time before class the other day, I turned on SportsCenter. I was thoroughly content watching Tom Brady, I mean Matt Cassel, gunsling his way to 400 yards passing and three touchdowns, when a commercial interrupted my dreams of Super Bowl glory. Cars were flying around in a giant circle as drunken, less-than-cleanly-shaven onlookers cheered for no apparent reason. My peace was further disturbed when I realized that this imposter was no commercial; in fact, the ESPN producers included this as part of their regularly scheduled programming. On purpose, nonetheless. At that moment, I remembered that many Americans consider stock car racing a sport. Now, I have nothing personal against NASCAR or its zealots, when taken in the right context. However, please, do not call driving a sport. Driving is a form of transportation. Driving in circles at a high speed can be a form of entertainment, depending on what makes your clock tick. But driving is not a sport. The first definition provided by dictionary.com describes a sport as, “an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature.” Does stock car racing satisfy those conditions? The first three words eliminate stock car racing from contention. “An athletic activity.” What about driving is athletic? Skinny 16-year-olds can drive as effectively as 22 year-old professional athletes, who can drive as effectively as 80-year-old Grandma Peach. Granted, hand-eye coordination is a must. But good hand-eye coordination is also characteristic of a video game player or yo-yo artist. Next. I am not arguing that stock car racing is easy. I’ll grant that it requires skill (I backflip off my trunk and chug milk every time I parallel park without running over the curb). However, difficulty alone does not provide sufficient reason to classify stock car racing as a sport. There is a reason that the National Association of Professional Speed Boat Racing (NAPSBR) doesn’t exist. There is a reason that truck drivers deliver their goods in anonymity. The fact that the majority of Americans cannot maneuver a 16-wheeler is not characteristic of a sport. What about “physical prowess?” What athletic traits are needed to effectively put the pedal to the metal? I guess a strong right calf muscle would help, as well as strong glutei maximi to endure all of the sitting. However, one can effectively drive without extraordinary leaping ability, speed, agility or strength. In terms of their athletic ability, NASCAR drivers are mere mortals walking in the shadows of demi-gods like Michael Jordan and Craig Smith. Last, we arrive at competition. Drivers compete against each other. Nevertheless, I offer you two words: competitive eating. That is all. So, despite the skill and competition of NASCAR, it is not a sport. It is far from leisurely, but falls somewhere between World of WarCraft and American Football. A sport is a physically demanding activity that requires skill, competitiveness and exceptional physical ability. Sure, stock car racing requires an uncommon skill set. Sure, drivers compete against each other in the “race for the Sprint Cup.” But consider this: my little brother can pick his nose with his tongue and challenges his friends to do the same. How many people do you know who can do that? How many people would consider this “talent” a sport? A true sport combines all four of these elements. Sorry, NASCAR, but you ran out of gas after skill and competition.