It’s been a while. Did you miss me? Cause I’ve missed you.

Here are my abridged thoughts from the Canadian Grand Prix. 

RIP to the groundhog. 

It’s the hope that kills you — re: Lewis Hamilton’s decent qualifying and subsequent race. Ferrari, I will send you my CV to become a strategist. I can start next season. 

You just knew that was going to happen. Do I need to say more about Lando Norris? I’m happy he’s okay and there was no huge impact. But man, that must suck. Frustration is a hell of a thing. 

If you’re a football (soccer) fan, you’ll know the desperation of that move well. Your team is down 1-0 in the dying minutes of the game, and the players are frantically trying to make something happen. And then a player makes a reckless tackle. Next thing you know, your team is down a player and the score is 2-0.

Ayrton Senna famously said, ”If you no longer go for a gap that exists, you’re no longer a racing driver,” so I can’t fault Norris for trying.

Mercedes double podium. George Russell — flawless victory. Andrea Kimi Antonelli on the podium! Wow! No McLaren on the podium. Double wow!

Back to the Red Bull Ring.

Max Verstappen and Antonelli had an incident on lap one. Uh oh. Verstappen was very gracious about it when he got out of the car. But Antonelli just whacked the rear of his car. I’m glad they’re both okay. 

Have we ever considered that Verstappen just doesn’t like Mercedes as a brand? Antonelli is the fifth Mercedes driver he’s had an incident with: Nico Rosberg (LOL), Lewis Hamilton (ouch), George Russell (bigger LOL), and Valtteri Bottas (you could also count Esteban Ocon, but he wasn’t driving for Mercedes at the time). So maybe he dislikes the brand on a fundamental level — perhaps it’s something to do with the logo looking like a peace sign when he’s an agent of chaos. 

But if the rumors are to be believed (Verstappen is considering a move to Mercedes), I’m talking a whole lot of garbage. Who knows? By the time you’re reading this, Verstappen may have already signed for Mercedes. 

Side note — Verstappen to Mercedes. Should I laugh? Maybe, because Christian Horner will be losing to Toto Wolff again. Should I cry? No, because none of this affects me personally.

But it’s a huge loss for Red Bull — not just as a team, but as a brand. It’s also kind of a slap in the face to Hamilton, considering the history: the controversial 2021 season, Verstappen’s dad insinuating he was on drugs, and Verstappen’s father-in-law allegedly using a racial slur against him. 

Back on track: The Antonelli-Verstappen incident brought out the safety car, which led the field for nearly three laps. Add that to the counter. 

It seems McLaren has abandoned papaya rules. On lap seven, as Oscar Piastri was attacking Norris for the lead, his engineer came on the radio and said, “Your call on the racing situation.” 

They’ve replaced papaya rules with wheel-to-wheel ending pit stops — though less obvious, that is just as irritating. 

Piastri was applying so much pressure to Norris in the opening phase that it felt like the massive pimple on my forehead was going to pop.

Another side note — Norris’ engineer often gives him information on how to drive, how to brake. What’s next? How to drink water through his helmet? I’m just being petty. I think his engineer is doing a great job giving him the information and encouragement he needs.

Here come the double doubles: A double DNF (did not finish) for Williams — technically one DNF and one DNS (did not start), but neither car scored.

And Stake Kick Sauber scored double points! Including Gabriel Bortoleto’s first points in Formula One. Salve nosso brasileiro! Still not sure how I feel about him. Nico Hulkenberg stormed all the way from 20th to finish in ninth. He’s still got it. 

I wonder if Fernando Alonso (Bortoleto’s manager) would be happy or sad if Bortoleto outscored him (yet to happen, but it will). Surely, he must get some bonus for each point Bortoleto scores, but Alonso, being as tit-for-tat as he is, probably wouldn’t love finishing behind his rookie. 

Anyway, the only active driver without points this season is my dear Franco Colapinto.

You know who’s having a fun season? Moneygram Haas F1 team, sometimes. Ocon was back in the points after a strong recovery drive, having started in 17th place. Sometimes the team looks really good — other times not so much — but I’d wager it’s more good than bad. Ayao Komatsu has done a great job with the team, not just racing-wise, but operationally. Sorry, Guenther Steiner. 

Now to the house of the prancing horse. Hamilton yelling, “I don’t want to stop,” over the radio was so funny (no, it wasn’t). 

I know we don’t live in “what-if land,” but why did they stop him again? If the hard tires were as durable as they should be, and he didn’t want to stop, the team should have let him carry on. Sometimes it’s not about the fastest “optimal” race, sometimes it’s about track position. Let him take the track position! 

There was nothing to lose. Despite his best efforts, George Russell — who might be unemployed soon — was not a threat from behind; he finished a whole 40 seconds behind Hamilton. If the team had left Hamilton out and Charles Leclerc caught up to him, there would have been ample time to pit him again. At that point, the strategists could have at least argued they tried everything. 

Anyways, Leclerc on the podium! Ferrari is back in second in the constructors’ championship, but neither car could really keep up with the McLaren cars in front. For the first time in a long time, I watched their lap times — and though Hamilton was pulling together some fastest laps, the McLarens out front were never far off. To quote Murray Walker: It’s one thing to catch, and another to pass. Somehow, Ferrari did neither. 

Silverstone next up, and if Hamilton’s podium streak comes to an end, I’ll include a video of me breaking spaghetti and eating pineapple on pizza with ranch and ketchup in the recap. Hopefully, it doesn’t come to that.