F- J. Lo and while you’re at it, add Mrs. S. Carter or as we know her Beyonce Knowles to that pile too. So, why, do you ask, am I being a hater? Well, these two women have re-focused men’s eyesight from the frontal to the posterior.

Why does this concern me? Well I’m a black woman standing five feet, four inches tall with D-cup breasts and not enough booty. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from having a flatty banger. A brother can definitely cup a handful if needed and give me the right style number and correct cut Gap jeans (see dark denim stretch boot cut jeans) and I’ll be okay, but put me in any pair of regular ol’ jeans and I’m far from a contender.

I remember, it all started in 1997 when J. Lo sashayed her way on stage as the Tejano singer “Selena.” No one noticed how much junk was in her trunk until then. She had been a fly girl on “In Living Color,” for years, but while gyrating and perfecting complicated dance sequences all while wearing frumpy ensembles, how was anyone going to notice? Then came men’s answer to their prayers: spandex. The Puerto Rican mami made her mark and became a pleasing piece of eye candy.

This problem affects me directly because I am of Caribbean descent. Just like people expect me to be able to whip up a batch of curry chicken with rice and beans, they expect that when I turn around to walk away, I don’t leave them with something to miss.

The problem is that most men who have more of a fascination for the backside have a scientific equation of how they want it to look. The terminology most often used to define a perfect derriere is an onion. Why the onion, you ask? Let me explain. An onion is perfectly rounded, it has just enough bubble at the top and at the bottom. If you’ve recently seen “The Fighting Temptations,” Mike Epps gives a lesson on bootyology describing dimensions and shapes.

All I have to say is, what’s wrong with breasts? Having big boobies are now a thing of the past. No one cares what your rack looks like or whether or not you have enough cleavage to fill a tank top. No, priorities have definitely shifted, literally.

I can recall a recent conversation, with one of the others (a big booty girl).

Another problem that arises when the booty is not bountiful enough is the baggy butt syndrome that seems to be inevitable. I often find jeans that fit my thunder thighs, but are too big around my waist and hang down in the back (see Gap jeans long and lean), you would think that the name of these jeans would shy me away from them since I am neither one of those things. Well I have progressed and I now make sure to buy jeans with at least five percent spandex in them.

I, however, am working with what we might call a teardrop booty, I have some bubblige at the top, but not enough at the bottom. No, it doesn’t hang, but it could be more rotund. Believe me, I’ve been hitting the stair master and while it does yield some results nothing amounts to the natural roundness that comes with being blessed with the real thing.