By Zach Hosseini
Did you hear the one about the … ?
Homosexuality is a joke. No really, it’s a joke. Not only is it funny, but it’s today’s guaranteed laugh on television. The most recognizable gay men on television are Will and Jack from “Will and Grace” and the merry band of makeover from “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” I guess it’s nice for a once marginalized group to get more recognition, but is this the way gays want to be known to the country? Mainstream America is finally at the point where they’ll let homosexuality into their homes, but what they’re getting is gay men with a type of “helpless femininity.” America is getting flighty, shallow and promiscuous characters, who they now see as representations of a whole people. Most gay characters on television aren’t strong, moral and spiritual people. I predict that there will be a backlash in the gay community similar to the women’s rights movement in the late 60s and 70s. Women fought then to change the perception in some circles that they were nothing more than child-bearing robots and that their existence was based solely on the pleasure of their husbands. Homosexual men have been dehumanized and it’s about time that ended. There are gay men who are upstanding, friendly and spiritual and, surprisingly enough, don’t like Cher.
Where have you gone Dom Domaggio?
Five freakin’ outs. The Boston Red Sox were five outs away from exercising their demons and partially doing away with a ghost. But then something kicked in. It was inexplicable and wholly expected at the same time: the Red Sox folded. Though many of us hibernated for that long weekend and found out how to change brain fluid to vodka, it was not all for naught. Instead, the Red Sox of Millar, Mueller, Manny and Ramon-backwards bashed, fought and scratched through 174 games and made me proud to be a Sox fan. I have never watched a team more carefully in my life. I’ve never hurt so badly when a game was blown nor have I felt so invincible when they came back from an improbable deficit to win a game. Yeah, there were tears and that cold Thursday night will be forever etched in my brain, but I’ll be back and you will too. We’ll know about every possible free agent on the market in December, we’ll know who came to Spring Training out of shape and we’ll know on those warm summer nights that there is no more perfect spot in the universe than the “Little Band Box” in the Fens with the emerald field. Don’t fret fans. With Lil’ Theo at the helm, we will win it. I guarantee it.
Seriously not funny
Recently, Northeastern hired a Coordinator of Sexual Assault Services. She was hired after a push from some in the student body and seemingly everyone in the SGA picketed, shouted and stomped for the creation of her position. When I wasn’t being yelled at through a bullhorn on campus to sign the petition for the rape crisis counselor, I was thinking that maybe there needed to be other positions on campus that needed to be created. In particular, I thought we needed a financial advisor for students who could help those coming back from co-op invest the money they made. But this weekend I found out why we really do need a counselor. I was working on a story at my co-op job about a group of teenagers who put on a cable access show with some juvenile content. Granted, teenagers are morons by nature, one skit on the show was reason enough for me to be completely behind this counselor. There was a parody advertisement where a tough luck lover gets scorned by a woman at a party and starts looking for a way to change the woman’s mind. He is offered the date rape drug, or “Roofies.” He slips the pill in the woman’s drink and when she comes back and takes a sip she’s immediately passes out onto his lap. He spanks her on the rear and with a grin the man says “Thank You Roofies.” Not all men are rapists ,obviously, but there is enough ignorance out there to warrant help for victims.
-Zach Hosseini can be reached at [email protected].
