Party in the city where the heat is on, all night on the beach till the break of dawn? It rained through the weekend. Blame Will Smith if you didn’t pack an umbrella.
Congratulations are in order — Max Verstappen is a dad!
Lilly, Sassy and Jimmy: What do these names have in common? They’re the names of nightclubs in Monaco. They’re also the names of Verstappen’s daughter and two cats.
That was a fun sprint race.
I was happy for Kimi Antonelli, but I had a sinking feeling he wouldn’t win it. It wasn’t a terrible race until the Red Bull pit crew decided to stand in his way and release Verstappen into his path. The penalty was appropriate, but I hope the team is fined because it wasn’t Verstappen’s fault. But there is no consolation for Antonelli — what can be done?
Is Red Bull falling apart? Cut to Toto Wolff and Zak Brown grinning like Cheshire cats. I hope not, for Yuki Tsunoda’s sake. But, if this organizational chaos means I don’t have to see or hear from Helmut Marko again, book me a flight to Milton Keynes to watch this live.
If I had a nickel for every time Lando Norris won a race in Miami because of a fortunate safety car, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t actually unusual.
Fernando Alonso, we have to begin a discussion. I’m happy he was okay. However, Liam Lawson, his assailant — I prefer not to speak.
Lewis Hamilton moved up to third in the sprint race — on strategy? Slowly but surely, he’s making his way back. It seems he does well when the team has less data to analyze.
Jack Doohan, do you see Flavio Briatore in your nightmares? You should. (I wrote this before he was demoted by Briatore. Did I predict the future? Am I Raven Baxter?)
Side note, what on earth is going on at Alpine? How can you have Briatore at the helm of your team in big bad 2025? He was banned from the sport in my lifetime and even got a motorsports job before me. Ouch. The team principal who quit, Oliver Oakes’ brother, was just charged with transferring “criminal property.”
Ferrari, Ferrari, Ferrari. How many times did I call your name?
I don’t think Enzo Ferrari or Pope Francis would be happy with how far we’ve fallen. To borrow from calcio — Italy’s third religion after Roman Catholicism and Scuderia Ferrari — “sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe s**t.”
To be clear, I don’t blame either driver for what happened during the Grand Prix. There’s something in the core of the Ferrari organization that is stinking up the place.
There’s history and prestige in the Scuderia name. But that’s not enough — trust me, I’m a Manchester United fan. We can’t keep living in the glory days of Michael Schumacher. Sebastian Vettel’s talent is certainly not the reason he wasn’t able to topple Hamilton during his stint on the red team. Their last drivers’ championship was in 2007 because McLaren couldn’t get its act together. It’s been almost 20 years. Ferrari can’t turn into the graveyard of stars. And don’t get me started on the fact that two Ferrari-powered cars suffered engine failures in this race.
But like many 20-somethings in toxic relationships, I won’t leave. The same way I “Glory Glory Man United” through this abysmal season is the same way I’ll keep saying “Forza Ferrari.” But Fred Vasseur: We’ve already won the aura championship, let’s win the actual championships. There is no time for a tea break.
Antonelli, your time will come. I don’t know why they made a whole Netflix documentary about you, but your time will come. And when it does, I hope you reach out and grab it. But this race weekend was, as Nigerians say, “promise and fail.” Antonelli qualified quite well, but failed to capitalize on his high starting position. He’s still learning though, so it’s not unexpected.
On the flip side, seeing my boy OP81 — Oscar Piastri — cooking is what I want. He now has more wins than Norris and extended his championship lead. Had he been lucky with the safety car during the sprint race, it would have been a clean sweep for him. So is this what non-racists felt watching Hamilton in the early days? I am alive! He hit the griddy to celebrate. He’s certainly a fantastic racing driver. I’ll leave it at that.
Carlos Sainz Jr., come to the front. Let’s talk. You can’t drive into someone and then blame them for being in the way. That’s unfortunately not how it works. You weren’t ahead at the apex and weren’t going to make the corner, even if Hamilton wasn’t there.
Slight tangent, but I don’t love when grown adults whine on television, especially when there is evidence to show they’re wrong. That doesn’t mean I don’t like emotion and passion in sports. If you’ve read any of my past recaps, you’d know I crave drama in sports like students crave academic validation. But let’s not forget that we’re grown-ups, and silence is sometimes more effective.
Back to the discussion I opened on Alonso. Where are the calls for him to retire? Where are the think pieces calling out his ability or the fact that his last podium was in 2023 and his last win was over a decade ago? Am I supposed to write those myself? I won’t, because I understand that rough patches happen and that his retirement is up to him, not me. But he’s one of four drivers on the grid with no points. Quite an impressive feat for a two-time world champion. Look, I’m not calling for him to quit. I just think if we’re going to have conversations about other people’s careers, the conversations have to be fairly spread.
Alexander Albon is putting on quite a show. I wonder, in all seriousness, if he would have blossomed like this at Red Bull. If he had, the constructors’ championship in 2024 might have looked a little different. (This is not meant to shade Sergio Perez. I don’t believe his woes were entirely his fault.) I hope he and James Vowles can really move Williams forward. If McLaren can do it, so can Williams.
Miami, you were fun. Piastri’s dominance is not boring fans, except those who believe McLaren is sabotaging Norris. Hopefully, more upgrades to all the cars mean even stiffer competition moving forward.
