Absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to witness as I made my usual 1 a.m. run to 7-Eleven for a Slurpee – half Coca-Cola, half Bammin’ Jammin’ Cherry.

There it was, in one of the largest headlines I’d ever seen blazoned across a magazine: “SPLIT!” And as Nick Lachey’s blue eyes and Jessica Simpson’s vapid expression stared back at me, I desperately looked for some reason in this tragedy.

All right, maybe there are a few things that could have prepared me like, I don’t know, being conscious over the last year as tabloids and the Lachey/Simpson publicists played a constant game of assume and deny? While the ever-present accusation was expected in Us Weekly by now, the coverage it was given this time rivaled what it would be like to find the Lindbergh baby.

We haven’t seen this sort of media bonanza since … well, the Brad and Jen breakup.

Could breaking up a marriage be the new easy way to break back into the headlines?

It seems only natural that with the recent rise in celebrity coupling, it wouldn’t be long before we saw those classic Vera Wangs being traded in for divorce papers.

Have our tastes degenerated so far we are no longer satisfied just watching couples eat insects and marry each other for money that we now are entrapped into watching celebrities fight over money during a long divorce?

One needn’t look further than the aforementioned breakup of Pitt and Aniston for proof. Once the beacon of hope for couples everywhere (both famous and non-), their rift polarized the country more than the last presidential election. Even the Hilton sisters sported shirts taking sides in the Aniston/Jolie squabble over one of Hollywood’s leading hunks.

Conveniently before the release of Jolie and Pitt’s film “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” the pair’s faces appeared all over magazines, their body language was studied on the evening news and each was given the chance for their obligatory tell-all (which translated to tell-nothing) television appearances. Aniston capitalized with a Vanity Fair article to tell her side of the story.

The juicier the scandal, the more play it will receive in the tabloids. Angelina threw in another sensational element into the Aniston/Pitt divide. Possibly, even more titillating than Lara Croft cozying up to Mr. Smith himself, was Jude Law’s dirty daycare encounter with his nanny. Though he later reconciled with girlfriend Sienna Miller, news of the infidelity spread like wildfire.

While magazine covers are prime real estate, there is no more coveted position than sitting next to media mogul Oprah Winfrey for her estrogen-charged hour of healing.

Uma Thurman, whom you might remember spanned not one, but two epic films chasing down and murdering her former lover, broke into tears Friday on the show. Recounting the trials of her divorce to “Before Sunset” star Ethan Hawke after five years of marriage, Thurman spoke openly about the messy situation with her ex. Also mentioned was her new film, “Prime,” opening Oct. 28.

Not all marriages, however, are created equal, but when it comes to splitting up, any nixed relationship will do.

Ren