By Angelica Recierdo, inside columnist
“There is no one new around you.”
I watch as her pupils move in tandem to the pinging radius pulsating across her phone screen and her heart. With each swipe of her thumb, eager faces disappear into another unknown. Getting matches provides a short burst of assuredness only to clutter the inbox like an endless waiting room. She gives them a try because she believes this is the only way.
Tinder has taken the setting out of the dating equation. There’s no longer a room to navigate, nor carefully timed eye contact to endure. There’s no body language to gauge. There isn’t anything left to the imagination. Instead, Tinder has become a platform of both transparency and shrouded judgments.
People will display themselves in their best and coolest moments. There’s no clumsy knees knocking into each other on bar stools or the brushing of arms in a crowded party. Those human moments are sterilized into a clean profile – a carousel of “perfect” pictures (i.e. traveling or running a marathon), a witty movie quote or song lyric and your first name and age. You will be judged based on these pieces of your life.
The science is true that in just a few short seconds, a decision can be made on whether or not a person is attractive. But the playing field of Tinder is not level. The people who do well do very well, and those that do not get a lot of silence on their end. The act of “Tindering” has evolved into a leisurely pastime (with no intentions to actually follow through), a competition for attention and a watered-down seduction platform. People have to be daring – a safe “Hey, what’s up?” will probably not garner a response. People become so daring it crosses over to vulgarity – iterating what they’d do to you before any formal introduction is made.
Tinder relationships almost never get to see the light of day. They are fostered over lonely nights and empty beds. The definition of tinder itself is a flammable material, something that can burn and be crumpled up like paper. Usually that’s how users treat each other too – “Oh, she’s just some girl I met on Tinder” or “are you seeing that Tinder guy again?” Users are classified as if they are from a foreign place – as if Tinder is a sketchy part of town they stumbled into.
And although it seems like a viable option for the lives of busy young adults who are just humans with needs, there are some human qualities to meeting by chance that can never be replaced. No cleverly crafted observation nor question can be as sensual as bedroom eyes darting up and down new skin. Flirty emojis don’t compare to a subtle bite of a lip. And no swipe can make everyone else fade away and muffle the music the way some guys can while working a room. Because on Tinder, it’s just waiting in line for the same stale and scripted experience.
– Angelica Recierdo can be reached at [email protected].
Photo courtesy Gemeinfrei, creative commons
