By Brad Rosenburg

No one wants to have a a jiggly belly. I mean sure, Buddha-gut can be rather amusing when a portly fellow pushes his flab together to simulate a talking belly button, but besides that, fat is generally frowned upon by the American population. Unfortunately, there are times in which weight gain is difficult to stave off. Some examples? Pregnancy, or quite possibly a two-week Space Ghost marathon on Cartoon Network. But the most notorious time for gaining weight, is without a doubt the first years of college. BEWARE. If you’re not careful, you too could develop into a gelatinous mass of quivering lard. Luckily here are some tips to prevent the transition from campus freshmen to campus fatty.

Tip #1: Don’t eat so much, fatty.

Now this is kind of obvious, but some people just can’t get the message through their incessantly munching heads. You see, college cafeterias have a little thing I like to call “No Limit On Food”. Because of this, a person will eat and eat until his/her stomach claws its way out of his/her abdomen to escape the unending ingestion. Listen: inexhaustible piles of food aren’t bad things, but try to eat more fruits and vegetables than beef and cake.

Tip #2: Don’t drink so much, fatty.

“Whooh!