DISCLAIMER: Before you dig into all the truly wonderful, sage and [insert other positive adjectives here] advice, I would like to emphasize that I am not a professional – I’m just a girl! A girl with a decent amount of life experience in the college ecosystem, but a girl nonetheless! Do keep this in mind, and read at your own risk (just kidding … kind of).

How do I stop getting stuck in terrible situationships? I can’t seem to find the red flags until it’s too late. I’m sick and tired of this!

Sincerely,

Stuck

The good ol’ college situationship, a dark place unfortunately a lot of us have happened to pass through during our time at Northeastern. Did someone say SPOOKY SEASON? This prompt is a bit too timely for my liking …

The best place to start is by asking yourself why the “situationships” you end up in are terrible in the first place. Is it that you just happen to meet people who aren’t ready to commit, who live somewhere else or are too busy? Or, do you gravitate toward people who are emotionally unavailable from the start? 

To avoid messy situationships, be honest about your intentions. Maybe not within the first 30-second introduction, but once things start to feel more defined, like when you are nearing date number four, leaving a toothbrush at their place or texting every day. 

I know, I know, this is not what most people at Northeastern are doing. Everyone loves to act “chill,” even when they’re secretly overanalyzing every text. But being up-front cuts through that gray area. It’s not about forcing a label; it’s about checking if you’re both on the same page before it gets complicated. 

The “so, what are we?” conversation actually works, though maybe not in the way you might initially think. Even people in healthy relationships often have some version; the difference is that they’re willing to risk the discomfort. And that’s where most of us get stuck. We avoid bringing it up because it makes us feel vulnerable — because we fear being rejected, looking “too serious” or ruining something that feels good in the moment.  

But if someone responds poorly to you broaching this subject, then it worked — it still gives you clarity! It shows they aren’t the right person, because the right person would take the question seriously.

Sometimes we see red flags, but we choose to ignore them if we get lost in the other positive qualities of the person. Many of us fall into that bucket, so maybe we can choose to start this introspection earlier. Ask about it, or my personal favorite, humorously integrate it into a conversation disguised as a joke (but it’s actually serious) and see how they react! 

There’s a misconception that calling out red flags or asking “what are we” automatically kills the fun, like you’re suddenly the buzzkill — but it doesn’t need to be that serious! Being honest can still feel natural and show that you’re not afraid to speak up for yourself.

If you take any one thing away, let it be this: Don’t be afraid to walk away. Seriously, if your situationship is as bad as you say, leaving is the best thing you can do! I think it’s tempting to glorify the drama of situationships, the constant complaining about them to your friends or swapping horror stories for shock value, but at a certain point, the cycle can start to feel more draining than entertaining. Knowing when to walk away can be the smartest and most mature thing you can do.

Can I have your advice on making time for myself in college? Even as a freshman, I already find it hard to balance my classes, homework/co-op and my social life. [I] feel super drained sometimes because I don’t have time to do what personally really makes me happy. How do [I] tell my friends I need personal time without offending them?

Sincerely, 

Balancing Act

There are two main parts to this answer. First is the time management aspect of prioritizing yourself, and second is the way you communicate your personal needs within your friendships. 

To begin with time management, I have a few rudimentary tips that you might have heard before, but it doesn’t hurt to reiterate! If you feel like your alone time is always getting eaten up by social plans or homework, block off some time — maybe half an hour every day — to go on a walk, bake a sweet treat or talk to your mom. If you are an avid online calendar user, put those Microsoft Office skills to use and schedule in some official “you time” — just like you would a class or club meeting. 

Secondly, combine responsibilities with hobbies whenever you can. If you are commuting to work or walking to class, make it something you can look forward to by incorporating some aspects of personal interest. If you don’t feel like you have enough time to read your next Goodreads shelved book, download it as an audiobook and listen to it on your commute to work.

The last tip that falls into “basic things you have already heard” is changing your mindset around breaks. Now, if you are one of my many, many fans and an avid reader of my column, you might recall a Huntington News op-ed I wrote a few months ago. While the takeaways here are a little different, the main themes still hold true: You often feel like there’s no time for yourself because you fall into the rut of productive procrastination. Breaks are essential for actually getting things done — but only when they’re real. If your “downtime” just means scrolling through TikTok or LinkedIn, that’s not rest; it just keeps your brain in the same busy mode you were trying to escape. If your daily screen time is three hours, that’s three hours you could have spent truly recharging and making time for yourself.

Managing your time is only half the battle. The other half is learning how to communicate your need for space. True friends will understand when you prioritize yourself and won’t take it personally if you slow down or say no. Most people can tell the difference between someone setting boundaries and someone who is just flaking.

And a little tough love to top it all off — your friends don’t need you to be there all the time to value you. They’ll survive a night without you if you can’t make it — in fact, they will miss you even more! Be the kind of person whose presence adds something, not someone who’s always around but too drained to enjoy it.

My last closing thought for you: Be realistic. Balancing college life is really hard, and there will be times when you have to make sacrifices. Your friends won’t be offended; everyone is juggling something. What matters most is being intentional with your time and kind to yourself in the process.

Honor Seares is a fifth year economics and history major and advice columnist for the news. To receive advice from The News, submit your question here.