The holidays have come around. Thanksgiving came and went, and I was not excited for it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love fall. I love the leaves changing, the homey recipes and the nostalgic seasonal movies — but I am not a fan of Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving is the most uncomfortable holiday of the year, but I know that it will always be around. The emphasis we put on the holiday should be eradicated — instead, everyone should enjoy autumn as a time to get together, with Thanksgiving being a day like any other.

An obvious reason why this holiday is so uncomfortable is its history. We were told in elementary school that the pilgrims and Native Americans put aside their “differences” to sit down and have a feast together. This propaganda served to American students from childhood shatters into pieces once we actually learn about Indigenous history. 

The metaphorical bandaid we’ve placed on history should have never been applied, because it makes ripping it off that much more sinister. 

In my experience, no one brings up the massacres and injustices behind the holiday, saying that “we shouldn’t get political” at Thanksgiving dinner — making it all the more uncomfortable. After learning the real history, the injustices have remained in my mind, and the holiday itself should be the most important time to talk about it. 

I can not eat Thanksgiving dinner comfortably knowing this history, knowing that Indigenous people and lands are still being mistreated by the current presidential administration and that their families and many others are struggling to feed themselves.

It’s uncomfortable because the sanitized version of this holiday we celebrate shouldn’t exist. 

It’s healthy to take a break from the news sometimes, but pretending that these issues do not exist only harms the people affected more. 

I’ve never understood why Thanksgiving was the chosen day for us to be thankful. It never sat right with me that I need to be thankful for my life on the anniversary of one of America’s injustices against Indigenous nations. What am I thankful for, colonialism? 

All uncomfortable jokes aside, deciding that we should express our gratitude on a single day lessens our responsibility to do it often. Practicing gratitude daily is a healthy practice, one that seems less important since we have such a big holiday like Thanksgiving to do it. 

On a more personal note, Thanksgiving always makes me become almost artificial and curated. Something about the falseness of Thanksgiving pushes me to become a character of myself. Since my extended family comes to my house to celebrate, I have to create a script about school, friends and work to be able to have the same conversations hundreds of times. I need to put myself on a pedestal, making sure that my extended family is satisfied with how I am turning out. Each year, I create such a convincing script that I sometimes wonder if my extended family knows me at all.

There is a disconnect between generations sometimes, whether political or not, and the proper, sanitized performance of Thanksgiving dinner only exacerbates it. There is no room for connection when everyone is only trying to play their part, holding on to some sense of “normalcy” that is only an act. 

Having to pretend that I was interested in men, when I very much am not, felt like putting on a mask of a person I wasn’t. It made me feel like an imposter in my own family. I knew that if I came out to some of my family members, they would not come to another Thanksgiving. Or they would never look at me the same. 

Thanksgiving is an uncomfortable holiday for many reasons, whether personal or not. Maybe this is not the case for you and your family, but I know that, for some of you, at least a sliver of recognition will shine through. Performing and falseness is all that the holiday has been about for me, and I’m tired of pretending that Thanksgiving is not as uncomfortable as it is. 

This is a holiday that started from a dark history, and society perpetuates it, twisting celebrations to spotlight propaganda. And Thanksgiving is not the only American holiday to do so.

 Paige Maki is a second-year English major. She can be reached at [email protected].

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