DISCLAIMER: Before you dig into all the truly wonderful, sage and [insert other positive adjectives here] advice, I would like to emphasize that I am not a professional – I’m just a girl! A girl with a decent amount of life experience in the college ecosystem, but a girl nonetheless! Do keep this in mind, and read at your own risk (just kidding … kind of).

In September, my friend group and I all decided to rush sororities. Most of them got into the one that is considered “better” or “more popular” than mine. I feel like they constantly find reasons to bring it up in front of me or even try to act superior to me. Also, now that they’re in the same sorority, they’re always leaving to attend the same events. It’s started to really bother me and I’m not sure what to do.

In a Different Sisterhood

Ouch, I totally hear you — this is a super tricky situation, and hopefully I can make it slightly more navigable.

Witnessing your old friends bond in a new group can be jarring. It can create a confusing mix of feelings when that group might be flaunting its “superiority.” You’re happy for them, but also maybe disappointed, insecure or even a little angry. All are valid in their own right.

There’s another layer worth considering here: Sometimes, when people join something new, they’re really, really into it at first — it becomes the center of their world. It might feel like they’re trying to bring up their new sorority in front of you or act superior to you, but in reality, it may come more from enthusiasm than comparison. I would advise you to pay closer attention to their tone: are they bragging or just sharing?

There are a few helpful ways to reframe this situation.

First, the idea of being in a “better” sorority than someone else is just that — an idea. Greek rankings (or whatever name we’re giving them this year) are more myth than reality, and they lose all meaning the second you’re a year or two out of college. No one is asking about your letters at your first real job.

The “best” sorority is the one that is the best for you, not your whole friend group. Your chapter chose you, and you chose them, because it offered something authentic that resonated with you.

As a recruitment counselor this year, I told every potential new member the same thing: This is Northeastern, not the University of Alabama — it truly is never that serious. “Social worth” doesn’t really hinge on Greek letters here.

But it is still fair to feel singled or left out. Even if they mean no harm, it can hurt to watch your friends do everything together. Friendship is built on shared experiences, and suddenly you’re not sharing as many.

You can communicate honestly or gently name how you’re feeling without accusing them of bad intentions. This can give them a chance to be better friends without putting them on the defensive.

You can also lean into your own sorority experience. Make new connections and invest in the community you have joined! While I did just say sororities are not that serious, especially at Northeastern, what you put into them is what you receive, so let this be a chance to expand your world and not shrink it. If you feel like your friends are always leaving to attend the same sorority events, you can use that time to get closer to members of your own chapter.

At the same time, you don’t need to tolerate behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable — if their behavior persists even after the new member “high” fades, maybe they aren’t worth the emotional energy. Focus your energy on the people who value you, not what sorority you are in.

Everyone says that you’re supposed to talk to everyone next to you in college and make new memories, but I feel like I dropped the ball on this the first few months of college. I feel like I blew my chance to make friends because people aren’t as open anymore to talking to new people.

Worried It’s Too Late

Dear Worried It’s Too Late,

You have absolutely not “blown your chance” to make friends. The idea that college friendships are only forged during the first few months is a straight-up myth, and it puts immense, unnecessary pressure on new students.

To be honest, I barely remember half the people I talked to during my orientation week! It feels like if you don’t have a perfectly curated friend group within the first few months, the world will end, but trust me: it will keep spinning.

You are correct, though, that the friendship dynamic has slightly changed. During orientation or Welcome Week, everyone is on high alert as they look for their “crew.” These weeks are more of an active search period.

Now that the semester is in full swing, people have settled into routines and might not be as aggressive about meeting new people. But this doesn’t mean the doors are closed. People may not be introducing themselves on sight like they were during the first week, but they are still looking for connection. Everyone is still open to new friends; you might just have to change your approach strategy a little bit. People I’ve met at Northeastern like to have friends in different places — like a reliable study buddy for a difficult class, or a specialized lab partner, or even just a low-key friend to hang out with in the dorm lobby.

Besides, the “talk to everyone next to you” sentiment you mentioned is pretty vague. While this advice is definitely helpful, it might not always be the most effective. I would urge you to focus on shared activities. Join something that requires consistent, repeated attendance. This could literally be anything, from The Huntington News, a cultural association, or even an intramural sport, but the key part is showing up every week. This allows you to build familiarity and trust, which are the foundations of friendship.

Also, don’t underestimate the power of academic friendship. These bonds are so highly underrated. If you haven’t already tried to chat with people in your classes, don’t fret: group project season is right upon us! Take advantage of meeting up with people in person and integrating academic and social connections.

It really only takes one person to start a butterfly effect or chain reaction. You meet one person, and suddenly, they are introducing you to their friends or roommates and so on. College friendships are often just a bunch of happy accidents.

Making friends takes time, patience and often requires you to be the initiator. Stop looking backward at what you think you missed, and start looking forward to the great people you are about to meet.

Honor Seares is a fifth year economics and history major and advice columnist for the news. To receive advice from The News, submit your question here.